Diary of a Gwenabee

Moving

2005-04-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

Im moving over to xanga for the time being to see how I like it... you can find it at Addie's new blog so come visit and say hey... :)

If you want to....

2005-04-06T11:35:00.000-07:00

cry, go see Emily

be happy for someone, go see Maggie

laugh, go see Amanda

argue, go see Grant

welcome a new member, go see traci

call someone a player, go see bennett

see some pretty pictures, go see brent

leave a comment, well, then hit the comment button, silly... :)

Ive about had enough

2005-04-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

blogger is continually making me ill - Im almost to my breaking point and about to move to xanga... grr

Ever wonder?

2005-04-04T07:45:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder who Gabe looks more like? Ill give you a hint... here are some of him and one of my baby pics...

(sorry I dont have any of Daniel scanned in... maybe I will get to that soon... )

Picture Post

2005-04-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

Just got some new pics developed...

see the rest of the Easter pics here

and see the rest of the new Gabe pics here

back atcha'

2005-03-31T13:02:00.000-08:00

this was inspired by Emily and I would like to see where it goes... :)

If you read this,(yes this means YOU)
even if I don't speak to you often,
please post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Then post this in your journal. See what people remember about you.

Brand New Day

2005-03-30T08:01:00.000-08:00

So I took down yesterday's post as it was just bumming me out... but thanks to Emily, Amanda G, and Bennett - you guys made me smile...

Still not sure what was up with yesterday, I think most of it stemmed from me wondering if I was wasting away my life.... mostly just sitting in front of a computer - mind you I was bored out of my mind yesterday as I had done all my work (even a few other people's) and the internet was down...

I do realize how lucky I am though... seriously, I dont know of anyone more fortunate than I am.... get ready to be jealous - you may even just want to skip this whole post for today...

1. I am married to the most wonderful person I know, I do not think there is a bad thing about him... he is a morning person, he loves the baby - even offers to change diapers, he tells me all the good things I am and does all the housework (although he is usually the one messing it up - ha ha), and he is our church's youth director... in short, he's my best friend

2. I have the most beautiful well-tempered baby I have ever known, and though he is sick alot, he isnt plagued with something major that so many other people have to go through... he only cries when he is hungry or tired - and he is always so smiley... he has been saying "mamamamama" for quite awhile now (although its not really connected to me yet), no sign of "da-da" though, he is learning sign language well, and he recently started pulling up to standing... so smart

3. Im saved - hallelujah... and I have a great church with people that love us

4. I have a good job, all I do is sit at a computer all day... free internet, free copying (which I use for the youth group alot), great people to work with, flexible schedule, wonderful insurance and benefits, and I get paid for it... although boring at times, I cant complain too much

5. Im healthy - yay... much better than riches

6. I have some great friends out there, old and new... :)

and thats just the tip of the iceberg... I hate to be in this human body that only wants to complain all the time - I want to be the "second man" that Paul talks about...

oh, and I did one of those internet aging things, and here is what I will look like when Im 36...

so yeah, yay for me... ;)

Here's to you Jason

2005-03-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

I am sad today... I just found out this weekend that one of my high school friends will be going home soon - he is dying. He has 1-3 weeks left here on this earth, in that body.

Jason was always the typical "nerd" of our class. He was very preppy and super-smart. But beyond the exterior was a wonderful person. I want to say I didnt know him that well, but then I want to say I did... We didnt hang out alot on the weekends or anything, but we were in the same inner circle of friends. We often sat next too each other, usually talking about silliness or homework. Or we would fill each other in on what we did over the weekend... he usually was out in a field somewhere playing paintball or getting into something with Austin; I, on the other hand, usually had spent time with my boyfriend of the moment. I think Jason had a crush on me for alot of our high school time together, although I never felt the same way about him. I was always more into the bad boys - never having any sense to go for the guys who would actually treat me like a lady. Jason and I did go on an unofficial date at one time though. We were both out of high school, him in the military (no surprise there), and I in college... I came home that weekend just to accompany him to his military ball. I felt awkward as I really didnt know anyone and being so tiny. But Jason was just as proud as ever to have me as his date. He showed me the proper way of doing things - all the little customs that I had no idea even existed, let alone knew that they must be followed with precise execution. We had a great time as always - laughing and cutting up. After that weekend, I went back to college and things proceeded as usual... we lost touch and last year, I found out that Jason had cancer. Somehow, I didnt know it could touch so close to home... in high school, you feel invincible. I guess when high school is over, the memories just stay there - untouched... and you think they will continue that way until you meet for your 50 year reunion or so - everyone will come back older but better - the "nerds" in the class will now look great and be rich, the "pretty girls" will look worse than you, and the "jocks" are now all bald and fat - making you thank God that you didnt end up with one of them like you prayed for all those years ago.... or at least thats how I always imagined it going - maybe I watch too much tv... and now that image is being shattered as one of our own wont be there...

Easter nonsense

2005-03-24T07:47:00.000-08:00

ok, since today is my last day at work before Easter, and therefore my last day to post on here before Easter, I wanted to post on Maundy Thursday (today), Good Friday (tomorrow) and Easter (Sunday)... I wanted to do a little research, check out my facts and then post... what I found was this nonsense... (all of the following, unless otherwise specified is found here)

nonsense -> We cannot find Easter in the Bible. This is a major problem for us, because we are Bible Christians. We only worship the Lord Jesus Christ according to what is written in the Holy Scriptures. The great and dreadful God of the Bible demands worship exactly as He has commanded. He will not tolerate additions or deletions, no matter how innocent, noble, popular, or sincere. If you doubt this, ask Cain about his offering, Nadab and Abihu about contemporary worship, Moses about striking a rock, or David about moving the Ark of the Covenant on a new ox cart. All four were judged severely for altering the worship of God. If we cannot find a doctrine or practice clearly taught in the Bible, we hate it and oppose it with all our might; therefore, we hate Easter and anything to do with it, for it is not in the Bible."

Addie -> Funny how all of those examples are in the OT - before Jesus and before Easter... not to mention Romans 7:4 (NLT) "So this is the point: The law no longer holds you in its power, because you died to its power when you died with Christ on the cross. And now you are united with the one who was raised from the dead. As a result, you can produce good fruit, that is, good deeds for God." Makes the above paragraph seem like nonsense to me.

nonsense -> Sunrise services are pagan. Have you ever been to a sunrise service? The darkest tribes of the darkest nations on the darkest continents have not shown more ignorance, superstition, or idolatry. But when so-called Christians gather in the chilly dawn to sing hymns while facing the rising sun, there is a new standard set for pagan perversion of God’s religion, regardless of the modern clothes they might be wearing and the modern automobiles they drove to the event. Where in the world did this obvious custom of sun worship originate? Did the apostles face the rising sun and sing hymns? There is no record of it in the Bible. There are three strong Bible reasons against sunrise services. First, the great and terrible God has already very plainly condemned sunrise services connected to His religion (Ezek 8:15-18). Second, He also condemned any other form of worship of the heavenly bodies (II Kgs 23:5). Third, Jesus did not rise on Easter Sunday morning; He rose the night before at the end of His prophesied three days and three nights. When the women arrived at His tomb in the dark of the morning, He was already long gone.

Addie ->Now since when does a sunrise service constitute worship of the sun - not to be confused with worship of the Son (which we do)... I cannot even tell you how dumb this is... the reason for a sunrise service is to be like the believers and go first thing in the morning at dawn (read John 20:1(NLT) Early Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance) and yeah, Jesus had already risen but it was still after midnight and therefore Sunday, but right around sunrise is when the followers came (which is what we are), and Christ didn't rebuke Mary for being there at that hour, in fact, He shared a very intimate moment with her

nonsense -> Good Friday is a joke. How in the world could Jesus have died on Good Friday afternoon, risen from the dead on Easter Sunday morning, and still been in the ground the three days and three nights that He prophesied and promised (Matt 12:38-40)? This common tradition only allows one day and two nights. If you count parts of Friday and Sunday as whole days, you still only have three days and two nights. The math does not work! There are only two nights! Of course, once Constantine and the religious compromisers at the council of Nicea in AD325 had subscribed to sun and moon worship for setting the date, it was not difficult to further reject the words of Jesus Christ and create their Good Friday - Easter Sunday combination. Simple saints that believe the Bible can rejoice over their arrogant persecutors with seminary degrees and worldly education, just as Jesus had promised (Matt 11:25-27; I Cor 1:19-20; 3:19-20). They know Jesus was buried Wednesday night and rose Saturday night, just as He had declared would be the proof of His identity.

Addie -> Now this is just absurdity... I will let Mr.Ken Collins (whom I do not personally know, but enjoy his writing) explain all of this.... (just for reference, the Jewish Sabbath is Saturday, which would make Sunday the first day of the week)
1.Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all inform us that the Last Supper and the Crucifixion took place on Preparation Day.

2.Mark and John inform us that the next day, the day after the Crucifixion, was the Sabbath.

3.Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John inform us that the Resurrection took place on the first day of the week.

4.Matthew, Mark, and Luke inform us that the day before the Resurrection was the Sabbath, and John heavily implies it.

-Ancient Christian writers confirm these conclusions. In The Apostolic Constitutions, Book V, Section III, it says that the Last Supper occurred on the fifth day of the week (Thursday), that Jesus was crucified on the next day (Friday), and rose on the first day (Sunday), and it explicitly states that this constitutes three days and three nights. The Apostolic Constitutions uses Roman-style midnight-to-midnight days, so this squares with the New Testament’s use of sundown-to-sundown days(note from Addie: if you notice in Genesis 1, it says and the evening and the morning were a day, not morning and eveing - this is how the Jews count days)... Therefore, it is obvious that the Crucifixion took place on a Friday, that Jesus rested in the tomb on Saturday, and rose from the grave on Sunday. So, you might ask, why didn’t the gospel writers just come right out and say that it was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? The answer is that they did, for the circumstances under which they wrote. They were writing for an audience beyond Palestine, and in the Roman Empire of the first century, there was no general consensus about the names of the days of the week, the number of the current year, the names and lengths of the months, the date of the new year, or the time at which the day began. On that last point, the day began at midnight in Egypt, at sunrise in Greece, and at sunset in Palestine. So even though it is not what we are used to, the gospels are really worded in such a way as to make the dates and times comprehensible to anyone in the Roman Empire who was familiar with the Jewish Scriptures. When you count days you get a different answer than when you subtract dates. If you go to a three-day seminar that begins on Friday, you expect it to end on Sunday, because Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are three days. However, if you subtract the date of Friday from the date of Sunday, the answer is two elapsed days. The ancients counted days instead of calculating elapsed time—in fact, Jesus Himself counted days this way in Luke 13:31-32. This is why the tradition is universal that Jesus spent three days in the tomb when He was buried on Friday and rose from the dead on Sunday. All intervals in the Jewish and Christian calendars are calculated the same way, which is why Pentecost falls on a Sunday and not on a Monday. Roughly speaking, the western Church consists of Protestants, Catholics, and Anglicans. The eastern Church consists of the Eastern Orthodox churches, the Oriental Orthodox churches, and the eastern-rite churches affiliated with the Roman Catholic Church.

----------------------- end of nonsense ---------------------

so today is Maundy Thursday, what does that mean? Maundy Thursday is the Thursday of Holy Week (the Thursday before Easter). It was the day on which Jesus celebrated the Passover with his disciples, sharing a meal with them which we call the Last Supper. The word "Maundy" comes from the Latin for 'command' (mandatum). It refers to the command given by Jesus at the Last Supper, that his disciples should love one another.

Tomorrow is Good Friday... why is it called "good"? Never really understood that as such a terrible thing happened that day... the good part didn't get here until Sunday... weird... as I said earlier, I am off tomorrow, so Im posting about everything today... I think Im going to fast tomorrow, as most of you know I am already fasting from sugar and sweets, but I think tomorrow I will fast completely from food to try to keep the day as holy as possible - I encourage you all to do the same (try to keep the day holy, not fast - that is up to you)... we have a good Friday service tomorrow night where we will take communion, Im looking forward to that....

Saturday - in all actuality, this was just another day to most people, the followers were probably still grieving, but I dont know, this day doesnt really do anything for me besides fulfill the prophecy... maybe its b/c I know whats going to happen next

Sunday is Easter... yay... this year will take on a whole new meaning... I now know what it means to have a first-born son... so I can have the tiniest glimpse of how the Father has been agonizing over the past week or so and also how much He really does love me, and maybe even just a tiniest bit of His joy and pride for what happened today... often we focus on what the Son was going through and totally miss out on what the Father was going through as well, I often wonder if the Father's sacrifice was greater than the Son's although they are one and the same, so I guess the sacrifice is one and the same too - hard for the human mind to comprehend (mine at least)

--------------------- one final thought ----------------------

Does anyone else find chocolate crosses a weird thing to want to eat? On one hand, that just seems sacriligious to eat something that our faith is half-hinged on... but on the other hand, it was just a cross and it in itself didn't have any power... On the other hand, at least they are commercializing the right part of Easter - the important part, but then on the other hand, doesnt commercialization of Easter kind of go against what Christ preached... I dont know, it just seems like a weird thing to eat - like you wouldnt go around eating a chocolate electric chair.... (Daniel made the comment "they should make a chocolate rock instead to signify the rock in front of the tomb" - I joke not, he actually said that and was serious - he is so funny) but if eating a chocolate cross is your thing, then do it all to the glory of God, that's all I have to say... as for me though, I will be eating the ears off a bunny... :)

------------------- HAPPY EASTER! -------------------

The Woman with the Alabaster Box

2005-03-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

There are 3 different instances of a woman annointing Jesus with oil and wiping it with her hair - all 3 are usually confused into one story, but it was not so...
#1 is found in John 11:2 and 12:3 - this is Mary - the sister of Lazarus and Martha
#2 is found in Matthew 26:1-13 and Mark 14:1-9 - this woman was at Simon the leper's house, she annointed Jesus' head(not his feet as in the other 2) and didn't use her hair - so its similar, but not altogether the same... some think this is Mary again from #1 although in a different instance....

What I am going to talk about today is #3 found in Luke 7:36-50 (NLT)

36 One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for a meal, so Jesus accepted the invitation and sat down to eat. 37 A certain immoral woman heard he was there and brought a beautiful jar (alabaster box in KJV) filled with expensive perfume. 38 Then she knelt behind Him at His feet, weeping. Her tears fell on His feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing His feet and putting perfume on them. 39 When the Pharisee who was the host saw what was happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, "This proves that Jesus is no prophet. If God had really sent Him, He would know what kind of woman is touching Him. She's a sinner!" 40 Then Jesus spoke up and answered his thoughts. "Simon," He said to the Pharisee, "I have something to say to you." "All right, Teacher," Simon replied, "go ahead." 41 Then Jesus told him this story: "A man loaned money to two people – five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. 42 But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?" 43 Simon answered, "I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt." "That's right," Jesus said. 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn't offer Me water to wash the dust from My feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You didn't give Me a kiss of greeting, but she has kissed My feet again and again from the time I first came in. 46 You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint My head, but she has anointed My feet with rare perfume. 47 I tell you, her sins – and they are many – have been forgiven, so she has shown Me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." 48 Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your sins are forgiven." 49 The men at the table said among themselves, "Who does this man think he is, going around forgiving sins?" 50 And Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

Wow, what a story, and so often it's overlooked or combined with the other 2 so it loses some of its meaning...

We are looking at this story and it's about 6 days before the passover, so it's relevant to Holy Week and also a small character that tends to be overlooked, but contains a wonderful message...

Let's start with the woman - this is not Mary Magdalene as often is thought... Mary Magdalene is often portrayed as a prostitute - the Bible never refers to her this way, only that she was possessed by several demons of whom Jesus delivered her from.... the reason she is portrayed this way and why its relevant to this story is that Pope Gregory the Great decided that Mary Magdalene, the woman caught in adultery and the woman with the alabaster box that we are about to talk about was all one and the same - not true and with no Biblical basis... so now that that is cleared up, lets move on.... this woman was however an "immoral" woman and later thought of by Simon (the pharisee, not the leper as in story #1) as a sinner - this meant she was probably a fornicator or prostitue (not an adulterer b/c she still had the alabaster box which we will talk about later)... even Jesus said her sins were many...

So why not an adulterer? Whatss the deal with this alabaster box you keep talking about? Each Jewish girl was given an alabaster box of expensive perfume (the box was to keep it pure) right around the time she came of age or so, maybe a little younger... Jewish girls were then "engaged/betrothed" to a Jewish guy (arranged marriage type deal)... when the Jewish girl decided she was ready to be married, she would go to her betrothed with her box and drop it in front of him, then she would get ready and be watchful, for her groom could come at any time from that point on (remember the story in Matthew 25:1-13 about the wise and foolish virgins - they were waiting on the bridegroom)... dropping the box signified that the girl was ready - she was ready for marriage, ready to follow, ready to submit, and ready to be loved... so this woman still had her box - she had never dropped it in front of someone before - she had never been married, she had never been ready to submit - until now... what a great honor she was bestowing on Jesus - she was ready to be joined to Him forever (not in marriage, of course), she was ready to follow, ready to submit, ready to be loved...

What a beautiful portrait of our salvation displayed in this woman though... we come to Jesus as dreadful, ugly people, and it doesn't matter who sees us when we come... we come when we are ready not because anyone makes us... and we drop our life in front of Him - when we are ready for marriage (ever notice that Jesus refers to Himself as the bridegroom and us the bride), ready to follow, ready to submit, and ready to be loved...

who are you?

2005-03-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

so far we have the following Biblical characters...
Peter: 1
Paul: 2
Thomas: 1
John the Baptist: 1

who are you? I would love to hear...

Im a Peter

2005-03-22T12:53:00.000-08:00

So a common Sunday School question is: who is your favorite Bible character? I never did really know until a few years ago... Peter... and maybe thats because Im so much like him. And since Im so much like him, Im very protective of him - I wont let anyone say anything bad about Peter (although on the surface he seems not that great of a character).

Why Peter? The biggest characteristic I share with Peter is that we are both very passionate... Doesnt matter what we do, we do it whole-heartedly - whether its good or bad... If we say something, its whole-heartedly - even if it comes out of our mouth before we know what we are saying... This oftentimes got Peter in trouble and is the reason why he is seen in such a bad light so often...

As we are now in the Holy Week, Peter plays quite a few key roles and has a quite a few memorable performances in the last week of Jesus... too often, we look at the surface value of these roles/actions and write Peter off... lets see if we can dispel some of the darkness on Peter and look at what was really going on... (this is probably going to be a lengthy post, so read at your leisure)

Well, first Peter was one of the three that was praying with Jesus in the garden... one of the three that fell asleep... too many people say 'if they loved Jesus so much, why did they fall asleep?' lets look at Luke 22:45 (all are in KJV unless indicated otherwise) "And when He rose up from prayer, and was come to His disciples, He found them sleeping for sorrow," - they hadnt just fallen asleep, they had cried themselves to sleep - they may not have known everything that was about to unfold, but they did know Jesus was upset and something bad was about to come - maybe they weren't dumb as everyone makes them out to be, Jesus had been telling them for some time now that He was about to die (I think they missed the whole resurrection part though)

Lets move ahead... Peter next cuts the guy's ear off and Jesus rebukes him... this is the passionate Peter I mentioned before - he was ready to protect his Savior and to go to jail for Him, although not quite what Jesus had in mind...

After that happened, Mark 14:50 says "And they all forsook him, and fled." So yeah, all the disciples left him after the mob came and Jesus healed the guy's ear (his name was Malchus, btw)... but... Peter came back and followed, besides John, he was the only one... mind you this is after all the other disciples swore like Peter did that they would die for Him and wouldn't deny Him (no, Peter was not the only one to make that promise - check out Matthew 26:35 and Mark 14:31)

Speaking of denial... lets back up to the last supper and see what Jesus told him about doing this, Luke 22:31-35 says "31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: 32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. 33 And he said unto Him, Lord, I am ready to go with Thee, both into prison, and to death. 34 And He said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest Me." ... so Jesus tells Peter he is going to do this beforehand, and Peter (as passionate as always) says that he won't... now that's usually all that people see in that Scripture... but look at the part that Ive made bold (vs 31) - Satan asked to sift Peter - kind of like Job (in fact, I believe that Peter and Job are the only ones the devil ever asks to test - correct me if Im wrong)... so even Satan could see that Peter was worth something... Jesus says that He prays for Peter not to fail, but Jesus already knows that he is going to... so He says 'when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren' - or in other words, when you mess up, come back to Me with everything you have and strengthen your brothers - remember all the disciples but John and Peter had deserted Him... so no, there isn't a real excuse for Peter's denial, but there is a reason it had to happen... (sometimes we have to be broken before God can use us)

It was also Peter that went immediately to the empty tomb when the women came and told them about it, while the other disciples didnt even believe them... Luke 24:10-12 "10 It was Mary Magdalene, and Joanna, and Mary the mother of James, and other women that were with them, which told these things unto the apostles. 11 And their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not. 12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass." or in John 20:1-8, John is also mentioned, but again it is Peter who runs passionately into the tomb "1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre(tomb), and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre. 2 Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved(John), and saith unto them, They have taken away the Lord out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him. 3 Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple(John), and came to the sepulchre. 4 So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre. 5 And he stooping down, and looking in, saw the linen clothes lying; yet went he not in. 6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie, 7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself. 8 Then went in also that other disciple, which came first to the sepulchre, and he saw, and believed. " Jesus later shows himself to all the 11 and scolds them for their lack of faith...

The last chapter of John is a great story to end this on... and also a little bit of a complexity - its not mentioned in the other 3 Gospels... John 21: 1-19 (NLT, since its so long, I thought it might be easier to understand in this version) "1 Later Jesus appeared again to the disciples beside the Sea of Galilee. This is how it happened. 2 Several of the disciples were there – Simon Peter, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples. 3 Simon Peter said, "I'm going fishing." "We'll come, too," they all said. So they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night. 4 At dawn the disciples saw Jesus standing on the beach, but they couldn't see who He was. 5 He called out, "Friends, have you caught any fish?" "No," they replied. 6 Then He said, "Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you'll get plenty of fish!" So they did, and they couldn't draw in the net because there were so many fish in it. 7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved(John) said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his tunic (for he had stripped for work), jumped into the water, and swam ashore. 8 The others stayed with the boat and pulled the loaded net to the shore, for they were only out about three hundred feet. 9 When they got there, they saw that a charcoal fire was burning and fish were frying over it, and there was bread. 10 "Bring some of the fish you've just caught," Jesus said. 11 So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn't torn. 12 "Now come and have some breakfast!" Jesus said. And no one dared ask Him if He really was the Lord because they were sure of it. 13 Then Jesus served them the bread and the fish. 14 This was the third time Jesus had appeared to his disciples since he had been raised from the dead. 15 After breakfast Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love Me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," Peter replied, "you know I love You." "Then feed My lambs," Jesus told him. 16 Jesus repeated the question: "Simon son of John, do you love Me?" "Yes, Lord," Peter said, "you know I love You." "Then take care of my sheep," Jesus said. 17 Once more He asked him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know I love You." Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep. 18 The truth is, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked and go wherever you wanted to. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will direct you and take you where you don't want to go." 19 Jesus said this to let him know what kind of death he would die to glorify God. Then Jesus told him, "Follow me." - I love this story... does it sound familiar? it should... this is the way Peter first met Jesus... personally, I believe Jesus did it this way just for Peter to let him know that Jesus still loved him even though he had failed... Peter passionate as ever to see the Lord jumped out of the boat to go to him - the others brought the fish in... incidently, it numbers the fish as 153, at this time, there were believed to be only 153 different types of fish - so thats pretty neat that john would use that number... anyway... Jesus then proceeds to ask Peter if he loves Him three times - the same number that Peter had denied him... I think Jesus did this on purpose - a second chance for each denial, and then again, He asks Peter to follow Him - this time for good... for this time, Jesus will build His church on him....

so... what did we learn? ha ha... another typical Sunday School question... well, thats up to you what you learned, if anything at all... you dont have to take my word for it, in fact, I encourage you not too... go look it up for yourselves and make up your own mind whether Peter was a good guy or not - whether he is fairly portrayed so often...

as we end our lenten journey and walk through this Holy Week, think about these things... think about the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made, and also the sacrifice of the Father (I come to a new realization of what that is this first year with Gabriel)... and also what the disciples and followers went through - their world is on the brink of being ripped apart... and then think about your own life, if you are a Christian, are you meditating on this week - what your whole faith is based on - does it affect you in any way at all or have you grown desensitized by it all? if you arent a Christian, then make up your own mind, but know that Christ still died for you whether you choose to accept it or not - He loves you whether you want Him to or not, who else can you say that about...

Random Thoughts

2005-03-22T09:46:00.000-08:00

so here are some random thoughts Ive had lately...

- I think I should cut my hair (literally - I think I should cut it, not go have it done)

- If I ever go on a boat trip, Im going to take ivory soap b/c it floats, so if the boat sinks, at least I can be clean

- Sometimes I think everyone in the blogging world but Maggie, Amanda G, Melissa and PA dont really like me

- I wish people would do their job so I didnt have to

- To be a Diary of a "Gwenabee", there isnt much Gwen or No Doubt related stuff on this site

- I wonder if Gwen has gone to her New York LAMB headquarters since she has been in New York this week (doing SNL, Letterman, Good Morning America, TRL)

- I wonder if anyone would give me money to get some more LAMB stuff

- I love Daniel

- I hope dinner is good tonight (weve been trying new recipes and sometimes they are good and sometimes not)

- I wonder if anyone notices that I wore this same pair of jeans yesterday

blah

2005-03-21T12:40:00.000-08:00

thank you amanda for my new banner...

blah - I am absolutely bored today! but its my last monday with no sweets/sugar... yay - I cant believe Im actually going to make it... :)

dixie or yankee quiz

2005-03-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

take this quiz and see where you score...

I think I got the highest dixie score ever -> 95% - beat that sucka's... amusing b/c I really dont even consider myself a good southerner, go figure

Have a good weekend and a good Palm Sunday!

No Regrets

2005-03-16T22:09:00.000-08:00

I heard this thought yesterday and thought it was really cool...
(Bennett are we on the same wavelength or what?)

Regrets... if you are thinking about doing something, go ahead and do it... when we look back, we dont regret the things we did, we regret the things we didnt do...

Happy St. Patricks Day!
(thanks maggie)

*just as a sidenote to the whole st patricks day thing... some, like my husband, wear orange and some wear green, the reason for this is that in ireland (btw: patrick was british) the catholics wear green and the protestants wear orange, I dont care either way... I wear green b/c I dont have any orange as most blondes dont look good in that color... but as I was looking it up, I came across this and find that its odd that they would choose orange for that particular occasion - why not purple or yellow - I dont know... just thought it was funny that they would pick the protestant color when the protestants are against their lifestyle too... just found that amusing... :)

joke of the day

2005-03-15T11:57:00.000-08:00

What do an elephant and a tomato have in common?

Neither one can ride a bike

To whom it may concern

2005-03-14T13:15:00.000-08:00

Amanda H. - Im at a loss on what to say... glad I could help? since your email got erased - did you get the pics I sent?

Austin - you really need to do a new post... saw you on tv the other week

Big Dan - how's it going? when are you going to update your non-obvious blogs... dont give up

P.A. - you are truly one of the sweetest people I really dont know (ha ha) - we should get together sometime... love the new pics on your blog... you and zach look so cute

Maggie - had a really good time on saturday... sorry you had to drive so far, but you did get some cool stuff for your trouble, right?

Deresa - you need to read your comments more often... I love you anyway

Emily - sorry about brinkley... wish there was something I could do

Grant - hola amigo - how cool was that chance meeting?

Joey - had a really good time on saturday - and I know gabe had one too

Kevin - sorry we didnt really get to talk on thursday, I wanted to, but things just didnt work out in our favor... but it was nice to put a name with the face

Kimberly - yay for spring break... good luck on your group project

Amy - you seriously need to update your journal - its been a month!

Melissa - hope you guys are doing well... when do we get to see more pics of that pretty girl of yours

Bennett - you are in trouble mister for not telling me you had a blog, or commenting on mine... watch your back... :)

Amanda M. - I still consider you such a good friend, even though we havent seen each other in quite awhile... you know you can call me if you ever need anything

Melly - thanks for reading my blog - its nice to get some sweet comments... and youve got me hooked on yours now

To anyone else reading: you really should comment or else Im going to assume you arent reading...

ok... sorry to anyone who wanted to meet me at luncheon - gabe got sick thursday morning, so we had to go by the dr's office and be there for 2 hours in the waiting room - ugh!... but we came up there later, and just about everyone there thought I was contagious or something as they stayed 10 feet away at all times (except for a few sweet people - you know who you are)... well, me, daniel, gabe, carolyn, ed and bro wayne all went to eat at mi toro which was good... bro wayne gave helpful parenting tips and all had a good time - especially gabe who carolyn walked all over the restaurant - he is so spoiled now... then we spent a few hours wandering aimlessly around tupelo, then friday, gabe still had a fever so I stayed home with him... so if you are wondering why I havent emailed you, thats why... saturday, I cleaned up the house and we went to eat with Maggie & Joey and then they drove forever back to our house where we talked and played with the baby and bored them with Napoleon Dynamite... sunday, we went to church and I came home and took a nap - yay... and that was my weekend!

* thanks for everyone who prayed for a Joseph - God did provide... very excited... will talk more about it later on...

Big Announcement

2005-03-09T06:56:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow I will be headed off to the NEBSU with Daniel and Gabe to surprise Bro Wayne and Ed at luncheon... if its possible, then you should come... but dont tell, its a surprise, remember?! or if you just want to meet Gabe thats fine too... Carolyn (ed's wife) is in on it... so should be fun... :)

love you guys!

Cupid lives at my house

2005-03-08T13:18:00.000-08:00

dont believe me? well heres the proof

ok, so gabes nickname is 'bug' b/c when we were in the hospital and he was wrapped up as 'snug as a bug' so daniel started calling him "shnuggy bug" which most of the time is shortened to Bug... tell me he doesnt look like a little bug (like a cute little caterpillar) in this pic

and here is our new family pic (thats a genuine LAMB vest for anyone who cared) - dont you love Gabes suit!

check out the rest of the pics here and here

vices

2005-03-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

no, not the miami kind... ha ha

So here is a bit of personal info that Im about to share... one of my biggest vices for as long I can remember is "trying to play Holy Spirit" with other people

yes, that probably makes no sense at all, so I will explain...
I always would tell people what they were doing wrong and what they needed to be doing... all under the premise of love and holding each other accountable... trouble is no one asked me to hold them accountable... (if this sounds familiar, it is, I read an argument on another blog that I know a couple of you frequent)

this has been the hardest thing for me to get over, but slowly but steadily, God is changing my heart... I need to worry about me and thats it - I am only accountable for my actions, not anyone else's

so you can do whatever you want when you are around me, and I wont look down my nose at you or tell you you are doing anything wrong... although there are a few exceptions...
If you want to get drunk, thats fine, but Im not going to be around you...
If you smoke, thats fine, but Im not going to be around you as I cant stand the smell, and neither is Gabe
If you want to curse like a sailor to me - then I probably will ask you nicely not to, b/c I think it makes you look dumb if thats the best word you can find to use in your vocabulary

do whatever you want, I dont care - if you feel guilty or convicted, then you have to answer for that... you are adult enough to live the way you want...

and I know this is going to make some people look at me badly, but honestly, I dont believe in door to door witnessing... there isnt any way I can convince someone to become a Christian, that is all Holy Spirit, so I dont really see the need in "witnessing" in the typical meaning of the word... I believe in living a Christ-centered life, and letting my actions do the talking/witnessing... and if anyone has questions, then by all means, I would sit down and talk about whatever is on thier mind... but God will put me in the path of whoever I need to talk to - I dont have to go door to door... hmmm... now maybe God will put someone in my path that does believe in door to door and I will have to re-evaluate my whole system...

but honestly, the Christ (thats not a typo, I did type "the" Christ)didnt do the whole door to door thing... He just went and hung out at the local bar... he he, thats me paraphrasing... but thats about right...

not sure where Im going with this, guess I just needed to write it down somewhere and this seemed like a good place... feel free to agree or disagree

I dont know why I think this is funny, but I guess it kind-of has to do with the post (mostly I just found it on google images and thought it was funny, it was done by skot olsen - you can find more of his works here and no, I dont know him personally)

fishing for comments

2005-03-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

just wanted to let everyone know that I will be out of the office tomorrow - so no new entry or responses to email...

feel free to comment on the new look too!

Have a good weekend!

Rummage Sale

2005-03-03T12:47:00.000-08:00

Saturday - need a good road trip? like rummage sales? then have I got a plan for you...

our church Shaeffers Chapel, is having a rummage sale (that Im in charge of) this Saturday from 6-12... everything is priced to sell and we have alot of good stuff... :)

and I am 95% sure that gabe will be there if you just want to come see him... :)

Shaeffers Chapel directions... get on bypass - take Macon Meridian exit (45 south), drive about 2-3 miles and you will see Burkhalter Cranes/Rigging on the left... go about another mile and on the left you will see sign for the church and rummage sale

look forward to seeing you all there... well, I will think about you anyway... love you guys!

blog-lag

2005-03-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

is anyone else's blog not working right? mine is not republishing harldy at all... but in order to see this, I guess it had to republish at least once... :)

new look

2005-03-03T10:58:00.000-08:00

so I guess you can tell I redid the layout of my blog - its all kind of stripped down, which is how Ive been feeling lately... maybe that has to do with lent or something...

if you were a fan of the pink, I saved the code, so I can go back and change it back to that when Im feeling all girly-girl again... so no worries, mate

blah

2005-03-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

just testing some new stuff and trying to work on a new layout - I might change my mind and keep this one - you never know... happy tuesday everyone

the weekend

2005-02-28T14:10:00.000-08:00

so nothing big happened over the weekend... but a good time was had by all

the best part of the weekend - Daniel went with my mom to the ballgame, and Gabe and I spent the afternoon together - it was the first time in a long time that I just spent time with him without worrying about anything else... we played and napped together... and he just laughed and we both had the best time...

are you bored?

2005-02-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

then do I have some time-wasters for you... just some fun things to do when you dont want to do anything else... :)

1. mr picassohead - lets you create your very own picasso picture
* thanks to amanda for this one

2. the fridge - try to take the letters and spell out something - only thing is... there are other people playing and they will steal your letters... sometimes they spell bad words, so be forewarned
*thanks to kevin for this one

3. which napoleon dynamite character are you?

4. BK chicken - this chicken will do whatever you want - but the fun is figuring out if its really live or not

5. www.i-am-bored.com - lots of fun stuff
*thanks to grant for this one

*if you have a site to add - leave a comment... but it must be quirky, totally time-wasting, and appeal to the masses

on a lighter note

2005-02-24T14:13:00.000-08:00

watch this (make sure you have your headphones/volume on though) after you read the post below, not before... it will make you feel better after reading the below post...

*and a quick thanks to Amanda - I love my new bag!

Im sick

2005-02-24T11:02:00.000-08:00

disclaimer: what you are about to read, if you choose to do so, is short but fairly graphic... be forewarned

I heard this on Paul Harvey today, and cannot imagine anything worse - especially since Gabe is 6 1/2 months... so I went to his site and copied down word for word as I didnt want to get it wrong... I had to not vomit or sit and cry when I heard it... I think there must be a special part of Hell reserved for people like this

(safety space for people who decide they dont want to read it)

Human depravity hit a new low in Houston, Texas where an infant baby girl, an infant - age 7 months, was brutally sexually assaulted – every vital internal organ was brutalized – her parents are in custody

*edit - added later- the baby will recover, and her and her sister taken away...
a little bit more to the story here - also makes me wonder what kind of people are the lawyers who can defend people like this?

another terrible story involving children here

maybe Im wrong in thinking this, b/c Im sure not all are like this... but did you notice that the parents of the first child were 19 and 22, and the father from the other story was 24... now Im only 26, so I dont think its the age necessarily, but im wondering if either set of parents were married or did they have kids before marriage?

on a somewhat related crazy-people note:what is the matter with these people?!! - can sperm really survive in your mouth, and how would he not realize she was "saving" it

2 Weeks & Counting

2005-02-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

yay for me - Ive gone 2 weeks without any sugar or sweets... very proud of myself... only 4 more weeks to go!

so thanks to lent, Ive had my first revelation this morning... if you cant give something up to God, then it is your god...

(give you a minute to absorb)

now obviously there are certain things you cant and werent meant to give up... like water, air, love, prayer, etc... and there are certain reasons you shouldnt give up foods - say if you were pregnant for instance (hey mags!)... but a fast doesnt just have to be food...

I find that alot of people dont participate in lent b/c they think it would be too hard to give up something, they couldnt make it without "that one thing" - everyone has theirs... but Im coming to realize that if you cant give it up to God, then it is your god...

it controls you, it gives you comfort and strength, you have faith in it, and you put it above everything else - what else would you call it?

when people hear the word "fast" they too often think of food... this is one choice of a fast, there is also tv, music - even praise music if you are doing it more for what you get out of it than what you can give, movies, books, saying negative things, video games.... anything you find to be a weakness for you - thats whats so great - a fast is something totally personal, and very intimate - an intimate start (of giving up something personal) will usually have a very intimate end (a closer relationship with God)...

Im not pointing fingers at anyone besides myself... I have A LOT that I need to give up, things I often have doubts about if I could actually give up...

you know, I thought I started this whole lent thing to grow closer to God - I thought if I imitated Christ then I would get to know Him better that way - so empathy would make me closer - yes, I know that sounds dumb... to even compare giving up sweets for 40 days would help me to know Gods suffering better... I feel silly even typing that... but Im gaining insight that I never realized would come... things like "if you cant give something up to God, then it is your god" - I keep repeating this b/c it turns my stomach every time I type/read it - makes me want to change things in my life

seriously though, could you give up tv for 40 days? could you give up email for 40 days? could you go 40 days without your make-up? is there anything holding you back from putting Christ first? or could you spend 15 minutes in prayer a day? could you memorize 2 verses of Scripture a day? could you do it if Christ asked you - would you?

anyone who talks to me, and says they "cant" do something, even if it doesnt have to do with lent... something I know they need to do... I make them say they "wont" do it, not "cant" - its not impossible, you just choose to not do it...

its so easy to justify not giving up things, isnt it?

it only takes 21 days to make or break a habit...

on another related note: I find it a little disturbing that most "Christians" jump from Christmas straight to Palm Sunday and then to Easter... they miss Ash Wednesday, Maunday Thursday and Good Friday (unless they get off from work, but thats all the thought they put into it)... how is it that Christianity is just supposed to be a feel-good religion as opposed to a relationship of suffering... dont get me wrong, I think being a Christian should be a wonderful time, but I find it upsetting that that is all that most Christians want out of it... have you ever really meditated on the last week of Christ? really dug and studied what He went through... and Im not talking about rewatching "The Passion"... really reading the Bible and treating those days as holy too - had you even heard of Maundy Thursday before this post? Seriously though, how many holy days do we treat as unholy just b/c we are off work - we go spend money we dont need to be spending - on material things, no less... we overeat and are gluttonous, we act obnoxiously and talk like we shouldnt... you get the idea, our holy days are no longer holy - not b/c theyve changed since theyve happened, but b/c we make them that way - funny how we are so proud of that "Christian" title and then treat it so badly, isnt it? but then again, its so easy to justify, isnt it?

ok... if you got to the end, Im surprised... I think most people would have quit after the first little paragraph... congratulations, you have just endured a total rant of Addie... hopefully you came out no worse for the wear... maybe a little better? either way, Im thankful that you made the journey with me, it was nice to have a little company... if you have anything you would like to add, then I would be more than happy to talk or just listen... :)

Whiskers on kittens

2005-02-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

so a fun thing I thought I would do is list a few things that I like and dislike right now... leaving off the things that I will love forever as they are unchanging (God, family, friends, Gwen, etc)...

disclaimer: none of these are pointed at anyone, so dont take offense... please dont comment on how im wrong, b/c thats your opinion and these are mine... neither are right or wrong to everyone - you make your own choices, I dont think you are a bad person for liking/being something on my "dont like" list, so dont take anything personally, this was just something fun I thought to do

Things I like
1. nice underwear
2. Email
3. Comments on my blog
4. flylady
5. Pineapple on my pizza
6. milkshakes from Sonic
7. Chicken Parmesan Lean Pockets
8. polka dots
9. camelia bushes
10. Burts Bees Garden Tomato Toner

Things I dont like
1. Harry Potter
2. People who choose a certain lifestyle and then dont want to accept the consequences
3. Lord of the Rings
4. People who bring me a bunch of work 15 minutes before Im getting off
5. Avril Lavigne
6. "Christians" who dont know the difference between "being in the world" and "being of the world" (me included - doesnt mean I like it though)
7. Politics
8. Ads with scantily clad women in women's/girl's magazines
9. This whole Kabbalah fad
10. Baby food bananas - doesnt taste at all like real bananas - ugh

playing ketchup (or is it catsup?)

2005-02-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

well... like I said, Gabe had a 102 fever and was very fussy on friday so daniel and I left work early and went and got him and took him home... when we got home, he was happy, we gave him tylenol and then motrin (not at the same time), and the fever came down quickly after that, and he was happy and smiley as soon as we got home... so we tell him that he tricked us, he wasnt really sick, he just wanted to come home early... and daniel and I didnt mind too much either... so the rest of the night, we either spent reading (daniel read 'The Notebook' and I am reading "The 5 Love Languages) or watching tv and having a good time... :)

saturday, we went on an outing to tuscaloosa and a good time was had by all - gabe got to either be carried in the snugli or sit up in the stroller - he likes those much better than the carseat... I got a new outfit at the thrift store, and a kitchen stand that weve been desperately needing (no matter what daniel says), and few other things here and there - nothing major... we had dinner at The Diner in Northport - so good! you should go

Sunday, my mom called and wanted gabe for the day, so he went to church with her, and daniel and I went to ours and got to go to Sunday School which we only get to go to sporadically, so then we went home, daniel put the kitchen stand together and I organized it the way I saw fit, and then mom brought gabe back, so we spent the rest of the night playing on the floor and watching a movie

good weekend... thanks for all the prayers for gabe... do not know what was going on friday... maybe he is teething? he has 2 bumps on the bottom (although one he has had for 3 months now!), so not sure if thats it or not... but as long as he isnt ill and is happy, I dont care

---------------------------------------------

on to Daniel, the White Knight

so Friday, we are driving back to my work from lunch and the truck in front of us just breaks (not breaks down, just breaks, mind you)... something dropped from underneath and was dragging down the road, you could hear it, and then the truck broke down, luckily, for the girl in the truck, we were behind her... so daniel stopped our car behind hers, put on the flashers (in lunch hour traffic on hwy 45, no less)... and he got out and talked to her and helped her - she was new to columbus... the guys from auto spa came over and also helped push the truch backwards out of traffic and into a used car lot that luckily happened to be there... so instead of driving around her, daniel got out and helped her out - and all he says about it is "it was nothing" like everyone does this sort of thing... am I lucky or what?

------------------------------------------

I have a few other things I want to put down, but they can wait as I dont want this post to be 200 pages long...

*quick note: could you please stop after you read this and say a quick prayer where you are at... please pray that God would provide a "Joseph" for us - I will have to explain this later, but this is really important and could really show God to some kids in our youth group... and please have faith when you ask... thanks

prayers please

2005-02-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

not a long post today - got to leave early - gabe has a 102 fever... hopefully he will feel better...

remind me to post about Daniel -the white knight on monday

have a good weekend

so... how did it go?

2005-02-17T07:39:00.000-08:00

yesterday, started out pretty good as I got to sleep until 9:30 - daniels gift to me, he took the baby into school so I could get a few extra hours... then I cleaned up the living room and bedroom, set out some candles and put some nice cd's in the stereo (dave matthews, beck, and ella fitzgerald, in case you were wondering), and got everything ready for a nice night in...

daniel called he said that after the babys dr's appt (for 6 month shots) at 1:30, we would just drop the baby back off at daycare and go home early - so didnt get everything done that I wanted to, but he was still impressed when he got home and found everything nicely arranged... so we spent some *quality time* (wink, wink) together, and then he took me out to eat at Abners (no he isnt cheap - I love abners, and he is going to take me somewhere nicer on saturday when we go to tuscaloosa), and then we came back home (my mom had the baby), and we watched The Notebook - perfect movie for an anniversary... its so formulaic the way things are layed out for you, and you think its going to end all cheesy, but it has a really sweet ending, so if you havent seen it and need a good date movie, I would recommend it...

then we went and got the baby, he was tired but in a good mood, so we took him home, gave him a bath and a bottle and I went to bed... daniel and gabe followed soon after

so didnt get everything done yesterday that I wanted, but it still turned out to be a really good day and anniversary

----------------------------------------------------
mushy story ahead - quit reading now if you dont like this kind of stuff
----------------------------------------------------

so, daniel and I were talking last night about being married 3 years and how it felt longer and it was wonderful... blah, blah, blah (Ill spare you all the mushy details)... and he started talking about how things were for him 7 years ago (we started dating 6 years ago in may) - he was a loser (his words, not mine), and depressed... the girl he had been dating had just gone off to college and dumped him... so his main objective in life was to just find a girl to get laid - he thought if he ended his virginity then that would be the pick-me-up he needed to not be so depressed anymore...

at the time, he used to go sit out on the carport and just look up at the stars, do some thinking and occasionally talk to God (he had pretty much given up on church and all religion at the time)... he looked up one night, and asked God, "where is she?", and God answered back, "just hold on, she's out there, Im getting her ready"... from then on, Daniel dropped his whole idea of "just getting laid" and stopped worrying about it

we started dating a couple of months later

Happy Anniversary to Me

2005-02-16T15:01:00.000-08:00

our "engagement picture"

Today is my 3rd anniversary, so Im gone for the day - talk to you guys on Thursday... :)

A whole week of love

2005-02-15T08:20:00.000-08:00

So yesterday, as it seems like it was for everyone else also, was pretty great - chalk up another good v-day for me... although the morning started off very typical - rushed and hurried - so no gifts in the morning

at lunch, went with daniel to give gabe his medicine and he gave me such a sweet card, so then we went to see our happy little bug - he must have been hit by cupid, b/c he was happy all day - so that was such a heart-lifter... and then we dropped some flowers off for anna, my sister, at her work...

back at work, I had a good day, as work was steady but not too busy... then daniel came and got me at 5, and gave me a rose from my son (how sweet)... then we went and got gabe (the bug), and drove out to see his grandmom (Daniel's mom) and he gave her a rose and spent a little time with her, and then we went to see Gabe's mammy (my mom), and he gave her a rose and spent a little time with her and anna...

then we went home, we exchanged all of our gifts... I gave daniel some scratch off romance lottery tickets for fun, he gave me some chocolate shaped/scented soaps (the next best thing since I cant eat them), and we gave Gabe a rattle with a heart on it - which he preceded to fall in love with and kiss all over (well, at least put it in his mouth - ha ha)...

then I had to go to bed, daniel put gabe to bed and came to bed soon after and we lay for a few minutes and talked about our day and what was going on 3 years ago... very good sleep... ZZZZZZ

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dont forget to look at my crushes - they will be taken down after this week... click here to check them out

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ok, so you ask, whats this whole 'week of love' that you are talking about - v-day was one day and now its over... well, maybe for you it is, but we had our first date 69 months ago today (it will be 6 years on may 15th), and tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary... thursday isnt really anything special, but friday is our weekly date night, and the weekend is family time, so should be a really good week - :)

------------------------------------------------------------

on to other things... daniel and I have planned not to do anything for our anniversary but go out to dinner... but I would really like to surprise him and give him a little extra...

any ideas would be appreciated, here are the facts...

-Im off work the whole day, so I can do alot of planning and preparing if thats necessary

-mom is picking gabe up after school, so wont have to do that and have some time afterwards to ourselves

-he knows we are going to dinner - I told him he could pick anywhere he wants, even if its not somewhere I like

-I got paid today

so the only thing I could think of would be to go to dinner and then go home and spend some *quality time* with each other, and maybe rent a movie like the Notebook

or

get our food to go, have the house set up with candles and rose petals like a picnic... spend some time, eat, and watch a movie

are these even remotely creative? they seem kind of boring and not something a guy would really like (although daniel does like chick-flicks)... I would love to just blow him away with something he totally isnt expecting... so Im up for anything - any suggestions?

Valentines Day

2005-02-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

well, another v-day is here upon us, and I couldnt be more excited... Im wearing my Betsey Johnson pink sweater with rhinestone hearts in the top right hand corner that ties with a sweet pink ribbon... and yes, I did get it for $10, so eat your heart out... he he

is it possible to overdose on love? I think thats my problem with v-day - I am too in love with love. Ive been this way for as long as I can remember... V-day is one of my favorite holidays, and, honestly, I cannot tell you why. Most of my memories of this oh-so-sacred day are horrible - I can remember being so excited about v-day and then getting nothing and being utterly crushed. Especially in jr high... you know all the "queen bees" in your class are getting something from their cute boyfriends, and you have to sit and watch - how much torture must an adolescent girl endure to become the woman she is today? I would always get something from parents though, which was nice, but hardly what you dream of when you're 12 and 13... (although I would give anything to have my dad give me something for v-day now - dont miss out on your blessings b/c you dont think they are good enough)...

how many tears did this holiday bring to this girl's cheeks for so many years (along with a million other girls going through the same thing - even today)... and yet, every year - the same thing, woke up, giddy and in love with love...

must be ingrained into a girls dna - comes with that extra X chromosome - it is the sign for a kiss after all... even today with grown women - I look around and almost every woman at work today is wearing pink, red, or white, and almost none of the men are(unless maybe by luck they wore that red shirt they have)... is this why we have so many girls getting into trouble - they are seriously looking for love and acceptance and turning to any source that will give them something - anything...

although now, I have a valentine and a half, that I love more than myself (now thats saying something!), so I guess it eventually all works out, and I guess it was worth it to go through all those terrible days to get to these good ones - I guess I wouldnt know what I had now if I didnt "not have" back then

cupid must really be a girl b/c no male would ever go to that much trouble... :)

Valentine Crushes

2005-02-11T14:32:00.000-08:00

so I was inspired by amanda for this one... check out my v-day crushes here (scroll down to get some random facts about me too)

you thought you knew...

2005-02-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

but you had no idea... he he... here are some random things that maybe you did and maybe you didnt know about me... will add more later, so keep checking in on it... :)

random things about yours truly (its the second post on there)

*yes, I semi-stole the idea from emily - but not really as I had planned on doing this for awhile... so I guess I was more inspired by it more than I stole it... thanks, em

cd recommendation for the week

2005-02-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

so we finally put up our stereo in the living room (it was originally in the guest bedroom which is now a nursery)... and I have been playing different cd's for gabe in the morning while we get ready... so here is my cd recommendation for this week...

Pure Ella - Ella Fitzgerald

Can this lady sing or what? This is a compilation cd, and there are alot out there for Mrs. Fitzgerald, but this one is the best. I have gone through so many of her cd's to find one that had all the songs that I really like (although all of her songs are good - I wanted one that I could put on and not have to skip around to my favorites). Just take a look at the track listing and see how many you recognize.

1. Mack the Knife
2. Blue Skies
3. A-Tisket, A-Tasket
4. They Can't Take That Away from Me (with Louis Armstrong)
5. Misty
6. You'll Have to Swing It (Mr. Paganini)
7. Tea for Two
8. Love Is Here to Stay
9. Night and Day Listen
10. My Funny Valentine
11. Boy from Ipanema
12. Too Marvelous for Words
13. Take the "A" Train
14. Summertime
15. How High the Moon
16. All the Things You Are lyrics
17. Over the Rainbow
18. Oh, Lady Be Good

you can hear a few samples of each song here (scroll down to middle of page)

Although youve probably never heard it - #16 is my favorite, and Ive never seen it on another cd... This lady was way ahead of her time...

I know most of you would never guess I was a jazz fan, since my last recommendation was Johnny Cash - but I dont have a particular genre that I listen to... although when it comes to jazz, I love the older stuff - and not a big fan of the instrumental stuff (too artsy smartsy for me) - I want something I can sing to... and I typically only like the female singers - Ella, Etta James, Sara Vaughn, Julie London - and no, I didnt have to look those up, I know who they are... not as big a fan of the newer stuff - except for Diana Krall (who is married to Elvis Costello - what a couple) - love her....

anyway, if you need a cd to just relax to or something for a romantic night in, this is the one you want (although might want to skip the first track if its the romantic date thing as Mack the Knife isnt that romantic, although its great to dance to, if you want to start the date off that way)... enjoy

*amanda, this is for you... :)

yay for the day

2005-02-09T08:03:00.000-08:00

today is still gloomy and wet, but, I, surprisingly, am not - I am in quite a good mood today - I am wearing my pink jacket again today, so maybe that has something to do with it (I also have on a pink shirt and pink socks - just call me barbie)... and today is even the first day of lent and Ive had no sugar so far today - had cornflakes with bananas for breakfast - mmmmmm

so yesterday, after I posted, God just continually opened my eyes to the blessings that I have in my life right now, so the day ended rather positively...

cutest thing... gabe has girl that he loves at daycare (not the hair pulling/kissing kate - although he likes her too)... but I was holding gabe at lunch and one of the teachers brought his girl, Reid, over in front of him and he immediately reached out and held her hand - and she held his back... my heart melted... he will be 6 months this sunday... :)

please pray a small prayer for daniel when you read this... gabe has decided to stay up til 12 at night - and daniel is the one that puts him to bed (I get up with him in the morning), so he isnt getting as much sleep as he would like, and also he gave up caffeine for lent, so he is missing his coffee, and he is taking 4 teenage boys to a conference this weekend, so his nerves could be shot when he gets back (not to mention hes never been away from the baby overnight, much less a weekend)

oh, and my granddad is having surgery today for his carpal tunnel - hope everything goes alright with that... its probably good that gabe and I are spending the weekend up there, so we help out

and for anyone interested - my sister, Anna, has decided to go back to school - to go to the culinary school at the MUW, so we are very proud of her... if you would like to drop her a note, her email is topgun39743@yahoo.com - but please dont tell her about my blog, there are certain things on here that I would rather her and my mom not know (b/c anna has a bad habit of telling my mom everything) - I love her, but you know how it is...

*edit (just added)...
ok, so remember that couple that I told you about yesterday that pretty much cut us off when we got pregnant? well, oddly enough, "he" called last night - which I thought was maybe a sign from God that I shouldnt have written what I did... he even asked about the baby... but... so I thought about all that he had talked about, and it turns out "she" just got a new job, and with this new one, her insurance will now cover her fertility treatments... so now that it looks like it might be a possibility, they are finally happy for us - gabe turns 6 months on sunday... now, on one hand, Im happy for them, but on the other hand, it makes my blood boil that they couldnt be happy for us until they got what they wanted... so I guess I need some advice as to what I should do... any takers?

Fat Tuesday/Whiny Addie

2005-02-08T08:19:00.000-08:00

As promised, Im finally doing my post on lent as today is Fat Tuesday/ Mardi Gras and the last day before lent...

since almost anyone who reads this is probably Baptist and doesnt know about or participate in lent (not sure about amanda), so I thought I would explain a little about it and what Im about to put myself through... :)

ok, so tomorrow is Ash Wednesday - the beginning of lent... so what exactly is lent? its the 40 days before Easter (not including Sundays)... this is a period of fasting - many people hear 'fasting' and automatically think 'no food', but thats not the type of fast we are talking about - usually its just cutting one thing from your diet (a weakness) or cutting something else out of your life - like television or such... it can also be accompanied by adding a good thing (like 15 minutes of exercise a day)... but usually you give up a weakness for lent - the whole point is too imitate Christ's 40 day fast to become more like Him - to make a sacrifice (giving up something you love)... and anytime you are tempted to give in and cheat, then you pray until the urge passes... this should be a real prayer building exercise...

Im giving up all sweets (except for natural sweets like fruit), and Daniel is giving up all caffienated drinks - these are serious weaknesses of both of ours... they say it takes 21 days to break a habit... we will see, thats what I would love to happen - I detach that sweet tooth from my body... more than that, Im hoping to strengthen my prayer life and in turn, strengthen my walk... Im pretty stagnant right now, so Im hardly proud of where I am... so Im looking forward to tomorrow...

so since you didnt know about lent, then you probably didnt know about the past of mardi gras - any guesses? well, mardi gras is the last day before lent... its the last big hurrah before you have to give up whatever it is that youre giving up... although it has become something much more, something filled with debauchery and excess... I hardly believe anyone down there is celebrating mardi gras with the intent of giving up everything tomorrow... but you lead the life you choose - no judgment from me... see, you learn something new every day... :)

here are some sites to check out for more info on lent (these are all pretty short, so dont be afraid to check them out)
lent
why doesnt my church celebrate lent?
fasting
an essay on lent I really like

--------------ok, this next part is just me whining and having a pity party, so if you are tired of reading this kind of stuff from me, then dont read below here------------------------------------------

the weather is still wet and gloomy and its seriously affecting my mood, I feel like Im sinking further and further down (and I even have my pink jacket on today)... it also could have to do with gabe deciding he only needs to sleep from 12-5 or that Im dreading this weekend since daniel wont be with me... things just keep going through my mind that normally would never cross it...

the biggest being is that Daniel and I really dont have any friends our own age anymore.... dont get offended if youre reading this, let me finish my thought... its just that for as long as I can remember, Ive attached myself to one person - usually a guy... if you know me from high school, then you probably remember tony, jamie, or todd... if you know me from NE, then, that would be Cliff (big surprise there), Im a serial monogomist, I guess... but back to my point... since Ive always been attached to one person, I never really make any serious friends b/c I never let them in completely or give them a serious amount of my time - Im pretty selfish, it seems... so no, its not their fault... so most of the people that I know are more associated with memories and a certain point in my life (maybe 2) rather than actual friends - meaning that we are friends b/c we were once friends not b/c we really hang out now - does that make sense? I think most people can agree... Im not saying I dont love you b/c I seriously do, but there are just extenuating circumstances that keep us apart and keep us from becoming the kind of people who hang out all the time at each others houses playing cards and such... if its not distance, then its time or just other stuff... we all have it...

but I get so jealous reading other people's blogs and about how much fun they had with their friends over the weekends, they got together and just went out to eat or something (hmmm... this sounds like an entry of my own, oddly enough) or they got together with their families and had such a great time... I dont want to be jealous but cant help it...

we are such a self-deprecating society - meaning we teach each other that we arent worth anything and we run ourselves down constantly... tell any woman that you like her dress and she will say how it really isnt that great, and how its old or it makes her look fat, etc... I tend to do the same thing - am I so unlovable? am I so dispensable? Im tired of being the novelty - do you know how many people know me, but dont really know me - do you know how many people I see in walmart who are like 'hey, I know you' or something along those lines, when really they dont know who I am or what I like or dislike... Im just the short girl who doesnt look her age...

and what gives anyone the right to tell me "you are so short" as if I dont know, or "how old are you?" and then respond with "no you are not" when I tell them, as if Im an idiot, and why should anyone look down their noses at me when I walk around a store with my baby?

its not fair, but life isnt fair... suck it up and deal with it...

*random moment
and since they dont read this, and havent written or spoken to us since december (even though Ive written them), I will complain about some people who I thought were my friends... daniel and I hung out with them at least once a week if not more, even if we just got together for Bible studies... a couple our own age - we were excited - in fact, they were married on the date of our first date, that was so cool... although they didnt have the perfect marriage, it seemed like they hardly loved each other at times, but they got along (they only dated a few months before they got married)... it wasnt long after they got married that they started trying to have a baby - mostly b/c she was looking for love b/c she always needed approval (she never did learn to love herself), even though their lives were always out of order... but it never worked for them - it just didnt seem like a possibility... but of course, I believe that God gives you what you can handle whether its what you think you need or not... I can understand why they dont have a baby, they dont even have themselves together... I didnt tell them that as I didnt want any hurt feelings... then they moved, but we still stayed close through email and calls, until the pregnancy... since weve had gabe, never do they call us or write or even email, when they do email, there is never any mention of the baby... when I send them links to pics, they never reply... it really hurts that they could turn so easily... I know its hard when you cant have your own when you want it, but is it right to deny your friends b/c of it... the kicker is, this guy is a preacher... dont know the point of that story, guess I just needed to tell someone, and get it out of my system...
*end of random moment

you know, Im not really blaming anyone besides myself... I know that I live a very very charmed life and people would kill for my life and yet, here I sit, and complain... I think its just human nature - although that doesnt mean its right, as Im not suppose to be of this world....

I think the second part of this post was more for me than anything else.... just to get it out there and stop holding it in...

I think I will now list all the things I am really thankful for
1. God
2. my husband who spoils me daily
3. my beautiful baby - his smile can completely change me
4. the friends I do have - I know you are there and probably reading this
5. my family who still loves me even when I go crazy
6. a good house, that Im finally starting to love and not wish for anything bigger or better
7. a good job that allows me to have this blog
8. lent - hopefully I will learn something
9. my church - weve only been there a year and a half and already its become home
10.Im beautiful - b/c daniel thinks so, no matter what anyone else in walmart thinks...

so thats it for today, although I have some other things on my mind that I will probably post about... and you know actually Im feeling a little better... guess I just needed to not hold things in - just get it out there, know what I mean... anyway... hope the rest of you are good... could you please pray for a little sunshine for me, I could use it... :)

blah blah blah

2005-02-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

bear with me, Im learning to link (most of these are from google images and not mine, if you were wondering), so will be an entertaining post, if not for anything than all the links

so its monday and once again, its cloudy and Im affected - Im in a gloomy mood and my office(which looks a bit different now, as does my hair) isnt even near a window, so thats kind of funny... guess I need to get me one of those "jars of sunshine thatisland girlis talking about... well, lets go over the highlights of the weekend...

friday, we went home and spent time with the baby, nothing majorbut a good time was had by all...

saturday, my inlaws (including my brother in law) came over - the men were helping daniel put together our new storage shed while my MIL was helping me inside... she watched gabe so I could actually get some cleaning done... I was really dreading and looking forward to this day, both for the same reason - my MIL was coming over - we do not get along as she is always right and I am always wrong, but at least I could get something done while she watched gabe but it turned out really well, I got alot done - and when gabe took a nap, she helped me in the kitchen - nothing major, but much better than I anticipated... ok, when I say "clean the kitchen" I dont mean just surface mopping and washing dishes I mean, I took everything out of each cabinet, cleaned the cabinet decided if what I took out was worth keeping or getting rid of and then put the "keep" stuff back up all nice and neat ... this also included the fridge - which had never been cleaned out I threw away a large black garbage bag of "stuff" just from the fridge! a few of those included my wedding bouquet and daniel's boutonniere (and we will have been married for three years on february 16, later we went and ate at peppers, which was good, then went home, and started to watch bourne supremacy, me and gabe fell asleep so we went to bed... daniel finished the movie and came to bed (it was 10 when we fell asleep - just to let you know how old Im getting

sunday - got up and went to church (this is actually a pic of my church) came home, I watched gabe, so daniel could work some more on the storage shed, then gabe got suited up for the game (he had his own jersey - pics to come), and we all watched the super bowl together... loved gwens commercial of course, and the butt kissing monkey was priceless

this week is going to be very busy and I cant say that Im honestly looking forward to it... (have to quit linking now, or this post will never get done)
monday - nothing really today - mom is coming over after work, but thats pretty standard - I have no idea what to make for dinner, and there is literally nothing in our fridge... I need to get better at this whole "mom" thing

tuesday - we have a meeting at church to talk about the kids, and I have to talk to the leader about something Im really upset about (more to come on that, probably later) - nothing she did, but still something I need to address

wednesday - ash wednesday & the service that accompanies this that night - I am looking forward to this, since most everyone reading this is baptist and you dont celebrate lent, then you probably have no idea what Im talking about... as promised, that lent post will be up soon

thursday - nothing too special that I know of...

friday - daniel is leaving me and gabe for the weekend... he is the youth director at our church, so he is taking a few of the boys to a conference over the weekend, none of our girls are going, so I dont get to go either... Im seriously dreading this day - he is leaving at 3, which is before I get off work at 5 (Im thinking of taking the afternoon off so I can soak up as much daniel as possible)... it will be longest weve been apart since weve been married (only spent one night apart before), and monday is v-day and our anniversary is wednesday... I dont know, just makes me sad - but I guess everything will be ok sunday night... gabe and I will be staying with my grandparents, which should be fun, but I will still miss my husband...

so not too good of an outlook on this week for me... but things never really do turn out as you plan them, so things could always look up... amanda, can I borrow your jar?

*note to self and anyone else reading - linking takes forever...

not an angel, but a player

2005-02-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

if you havent already, scroll down and read the "he looks like an angel" post or this one wont make alot of sense...

so remember gabe pulling that poor girls hair - turns out he wasnt being mean at all - he was flirting... yesterday, we went to pick him up and we were informed that the same girl that had her hair pulled before had been kissing on him, and not only that, but when they pulled her away, he threw a fit over it.... I repeat, he is only 5 1/2 months old...

guess I have alot to look forward to with this one... guess its no denying its mine and Daniel's baby after that... :)

Happy Birthday Mags

2005-02-04T08:46:00.000-08:00

even Gabe and my dog, Peaches, are celebrating... hope its good... :)

a total disappearing act

2005-02-03T13:58:00.000-08:00

maggie- this is what you have to look forward to (dont let it scare you)
amanda - this is in hopes that this will offer a little comfort
emily - can you back back me up on this stuff
whoever else is reading this - leave a comment once in awhile so I know you are reading... :)

today is all about the top 11 things you lose when you have a baby (originally it was 10, but I thought of something else I added in)

1. sleep - this is an obvious one that everyone tells you about, and alot of soon to be dads say 'its ok, Im used to staying up' let me tell you there is a big difference in staying up b/c you want to and someone keeping you up... you know those younger days when you were at a sleepover or at camp and you were trying to sleep, but there were one or two people who kept talking and you were always yelling "shut up!" and they never would - its kind of like that, except now you cant yell or get mad, just get up with a smile on your face and be happy

2. your husband - yep, you lose your husband, and gain a dad... which is good in ways if that happens (if he doesnt turn into a dad, he will revert to a guy altogether, so still no husband), but on your date nights, he will worry about the baby or whatever - no more interest in you - you are now second (which is ok, but sometimes you also need a little attention)

3. romance - once you lose your husband, you will lose any sort of romantic/sweetness he had ever remotely thought about doing - lets be honest, it takes effort for guys to think of something romantic or sweet to do, its just not their natural nature... this kills it altogether... although he will still want sex (never pushy about it though)

4. your organization and space - thats right - you will have to lug 20 pounds of a diaper bag around and you will lose anything else that matters (especially if its a paper(s) that you need to keep up with)... and for no apparent reason, your purse will now contain everything under the sun - the last time I cleaned out my purse I found a comb, toothbrush and paste, socks for me and the baby, an extra pacifier, and lots of other odds and ends that you do not normally carry or necessarily know how they got there, same thing happens with your car and house - your house will never be clean again - its a vicious cycle that once you get one room clean and you start on another, the first room will be messy again before you get the other one finished

5. time - mark my words, no matter how hard you try, you will never have enough time for anything ever again

6. money - this one isnt that hard to get - just be prepared, no more eating out, going to movies or power shopping...

7. arguments with your in laws and/or parents - especially if you dont already get along (like me and my mother in law) b/c everything you do or say with this child will not be right - you will only hear about how they did things and blah blah blah

8. almost all adult conversation - b/c all single or couple (w/out kids) in your life will assume since you had a baby, you like kids and want to be around them all the time, so you will be grouped with the kids, or in the other room with the baby all by yourself... or if they dont do this and do talk to you, they will ask you the same questions about the baby over and over again, so still no adult conversation... treasure any friends who still treat you like an adult...

9. any type of peace at all - whether its them crying or getting into something or you wondering why they are being so quiet

10. your fear of anything remotely gross - yep, spit up, poop and boogers will no longer be looked upon with disdain and you will just learn to laugh when you get peed on (if you have a boy)...

11. your heart - yep, its true, from now on they will have your heartstrings wrapped around their little finger...

its all worth it, but I still wish someone would have told me beforehand so I could be a little bit more prepared - but then again, is that even remotely possible...

so yeah, no regrets, but it is hard, I dont see how single parents do it - my hats off to them...

*on a non-related note: I hate when people use the word "anxious" incorrectly... anxious means that you are excited about something in a bad way (I was anxious about going to the dentist), eager means you are excited about something in a good way (I am eager to go to the dance with billy).... argh - get it right, people!
note: this is not directly pointed at someone, it just gets on my nerves

its the little things

2005-02-02T14:31:00.000-08:00

dont you love those little things that let you know someone is thinking about you or loves you... you know, the things that if someone else had it done for them, they wouldnt get it...

prime example - daniel ate all the pretzels out of my cheese flavored chex mix (which is so good) at lunch today... now most people would probably get mad and say - hey thats not fair, I wanted some of those.... but he knows I dont like them and wont eat them, so he went ahead and picked them out for me... talk about love!

*in a non-related note - my revelation for today is(drumroll please).... you have got to be one cold-hearted person to not love Johnny Cash (even before he died)... the man is a genius... Ive been listening to his last album "The Man Comes Around" and it works you up (the man comes around), rips your heart out (hurt), renews your faith in love (first time ever I saw your face), makes your laugh (sam hall), brings back old times (in my life), and he can do a cover like no ones business (hurt, Im so lonesome I could cry) - and this is all on one album... Im amazed - too many people are missing out on this... if you dont have this cd, then go get it, it will be money well spent

"First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

The first time ever I saw your face,
I thought the sun rose in your eyes.
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave,
To the dark and the endless sky, my love.
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth,
I felt the earth move through my hands.
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you,
I felt your heart so close to mine.
And I know our joy would fill the earth,
And last till the end of time, my love.

The first time ever I saw your face.

he looks like an angel

2005-02-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

ok, so feeling slightly better (thanks mags), but still could break down in tears for no reason - you would think I was pregnant again or something (Im not!)... anyway, wanted to share this...

so gabe has been so irritable since sunday - I think he is cutting teeth or something and also very spoiled - I think that has more to do with his mammy... anyway, yesterday, he was at daycare and one of the girls had been messing with his pacifier, so he just grabbed a fistful of her hair and refused to let go, and when they finally got the hair away, he threw a tantrum about it - hes only 5 1/2 months old...

where did my sweet baby go - the one that everyone just fell in love with at first sight, the one that evoked such comments as "he's too pretty to be a boy" or "you dont know how lucky you are to have such a good baby"... ah well, he was smiling this morning and laughing - a first in 2 days, so maybe he has reverted to my sweet darling... not that I love him any less either way... :)

look at that angel face

boo

2005-02-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

Im not even interesting enough to make my husband want to read my journal... and its wet and cold outside... I feel like a failure... boo, where is my pink jacket now that I need it?

the weekend

2005-01-31T13:58:00.000-08:00

so lets start with the weekend and see if that progresses to anything...

friday - lets see, after work on friday, we had fellowship supper at church (we do this once a month)... so no cooking for me, so that helped out alot... later on, we went home and spent time with the baby and went to bed

saturday - this was a great day... we just got a storage shed, but its been wet and rainy so daniel hasnt got to finish putting it up yet, so he was stuck inside with me... mom took gabe with her to visit my grandparents, she usually takes him on saturday so she can have some time with him and we can get some stuff done... well, saturday (if Im home) is my cleaning day... so daniel was so sweet and helped me straighten the house up, and then we cleaned out the bathroom closet - that means, we took everything out, went through it, organized it, got rid of what we didnt need and put everything neatly back in there - I feel so proud! b/c if you really know me, you know I hate cleaning... so now all I have to do is the medicine cabinet and the cabinet above the toilet and I will have 2 whole rooms in my house all clean - this has never happened and weve been living here for 3 years... normally I just throw everything in a closet and hide it...

so then mom brought gabe back, we got ready and went to meet my friend Maggie and her husband Joey (I havent seen her in 5 or 6 years), they are both so sweet and we had a really great time, its always nice to spend a little time with people your own age... and maggie even gave Gabe a private unplugged concert - he loved it, her new baby is going to be so lucky... maybe we can do it again sometime

sunday - went to church, which was pretty good... then to my grandmothers to eat dinner, which was also pretty good... and got to talk wedding stuff with my cousin (whose wedding Im planning), and that was pretty good... and then gabe got ill and I got ill, and then daniel, my sister and I went to eat at a restaurant that we had gotten gift certificates for, but when we got there, it was closed... so the day just went downhill... we went home, I took a bath, and gabe started smiling so it ended on a positive note... daniel and I both agreed that we should have eaten dinner, and just come home and taken a nap and forget everything else...

so all in all, some good, some bad... but thats how it goes, I guess

I think my next post is going to be about lent - should be interesting... :)

icky

2005-01-28T14:41:00.000-08:00

rain, rain, go away.... come again another day...

so glad its friday... and church supper tonight, so no cooking... yay...

again, nothing really profound today... well, there are a few things to complain about but I dont want to bum anyone out, so I will just try to forget about them and be happy...

*good recipe to try - we made it last night and its really good, easy and low-fat.... just put some boneless chicken (we used tenders) in a crockpot with a jar of salsa, and let cook all day... its not spicy like you would think... but really good and tender... definetly will eat again... you should too... :)

grrrr

2005-01-27T14:40:00.000-08:00

I hate when people bring me stuff to do after 4:30... grrr

*maybe I will make these people wear my pink jacket to see how it affects them

pass it forward

2005-01-27T13:49:00.000-08:00

yep, yep, yep... I mean doing something nice for someone else without expecting anything in return... Im really trying to embrace this concept, but its hard... Im a selfish person

I think Im going to try to do at least one totally unselfish deed a day, do a better job at work, and be nicer to my husband... I need to be a blessing, and not so much myself

hmmm... I wonder if all this good-natured-ness is due to my pink jacket... today is the first day I have gotten to wear my new pink jacket (its barbie pink and velour - the kind that you want to pet alot, oh, and my hello kitty scarf along with it) and it seems to be affecting my mood - I think I will wear it more often... ;)

*on a somewhat related note - who do you think people like more: people who are nice or people who look good? Im not sure of the answer, I would like to think its people who act nicer, but I really think the truth is we, as an american society, like people who look good better... I mean, I think more people know who Britney is than Mother Teresa, although maybe that was Britney's goal more than Ma Teresa's... wonder who has had more of an effect on the world around us... you would hope it was Ma Teresa, but its probably Britney... funny how things work like that, isnt it?

*on a non-related note: I love napolean dynamite - it cracks me up

nothing new

2005-01-26T12:29:00.000-08:00

nothing new to report... no big revelations or surprises today... today overall has been fairly boring - not that Im complaining, because every once in awhile you need an easy day at work... Ive had time to get done a few things that needed to be done, and still have a few to do, but I figured I better just go ahead and post b/c I dont think anything new and exciting is going to happen in the next 2 1/2 hours (how much time I have left at work)...

well, one big change - I got this handy dandy new layout - its the coolest thing ever (thanks amanda!)... Im really excited about coming here now... and oddly enough, today Im wearing my Barbie sweater, so I kind of match... funny how things work out...

I love the wedding Gwen pics at the top as Im starting to be a wedding planner on the side... Ive already done one (not to mention my own) and have been booked for 2 more, although one of those isnt even engaged yet, so I dont know if that counts... but I love this stuff, so if you know anyone, feel free to refer them - Im pretty much just doing it for free for now to get the experience and references.... a girl at my work just got engaged this morning (but she is getting married in hawaii so cant do that one)....

in other news, Im getting together with Maggie on Saturday night - we havent seen each other since college about 5 or so years ago... long time, and she is now pregnant, I bet she is going to be so cute when she gets really big (because shes always been so wonderfully naturally thin)... Im looking forward to that...

ok, I will not post an abhorrently (I dont think thats spelled right, but Im too lazy to look it up right now) long post today...

if anything exciting happens, then Ill let you know... :)

the love of my life

2005-01-25T09:51:00.000-08:00

he smiles in his sleep

2005-01-24T13:02:00.000-08:00

alot of people will tell you when you get pregnant or have a new baby, "just wait until that first real smile, its the sweetest thing" or some variation of that... which I agree for the most part, its one of the sweetest things ever, but I dont know about the sweetest... Im waiting for gabe to say mama or dada, and I cant wait for him to say that he loves me, but back to the smile... its really nice for him to smile at me or something that I did, but I also notice that he smiles in his sleep....

He will be sleeping, it could be in the first 5 minutes or within the next 2 hours, but sometimes, if you watch him, he will just smile out of nowhere and then go back to blank expression on his face... I love love love that....

now the first thing that everyone's mind (but mine, I guess) is "I wonder what he's thinking about" I dont really wonder too much about that, although I do wonder how much he knows and remembers at this age, does he remember 10 minutes ago? the whole day? yesterday? he can remember people, food and how to roll over, but anything beyond that doesnt really seem to be to much of a thought... ok, back to what I was thinking, right? well, when I see him smile in his sleep, my first thoughts are that he is happy, even in his sleep, he is at peace.... he hasnt had to deal with anything to frightening yet... and that in itself makes me happy

I wonder if this is normal (big dan? emily?) or am I just blessed - well, I already know the answer to that... :)

*so this next part of my journal, I was thinking about over the weekend, and when I got here I wasnt sure if I was going to write it, but then I read Island Girl's post and its not anywhere near that, so Im going to say its fine... (if you are wondering, hers is about death and all the gross human stuff that is left)

so I spent 3 hours cleaning my house on saturday (and its just surface clean, dont open any closets), but I got it to where Im pretty happy, and afterwards I go through the house and make a list of things that need to be gone through and get rid of stuff (like the closets, for instance), and in our movie/misc closet, I have a bunch of angel figurines in the boxes (they were put back in the boxes right before gabe got here for obvious reasons), these figurines are gorgeous, they're porcelain and hand painted, and my parents started buying me them for Christmas (new ones came out each year, and they would get me a few new ones each year), the last ones I got were from Christmas 3 years ago, the one right after my dad passed away a month before... and he had picked the latest 4 out himself - these were different from the rest - these were white (all of the others are wearing colored clothes) and they have children angel (cherubs?) with them... they are so beautiful, and when I got married (a few months later), I had a cabinet just to display all my angels... but since then, gabe has come along, so I boxed them up and they've been in a closet ever since, only lately have I thought about them and what they mean...

since Ive joined flylady, there have been quite a few emails from people who've gotten rid of things they dont need anymore, and most were very encouraging to me...

Im seriously thinking of getting rid of all but a few of those angel figurines... they are just taking up space in a closet that could be used for more necessary things, but also they dont honor me or my dads memory like they are... not only that, but when they were out and displayed, they only made me sad when I looked at them, and I dont need that in my life... so why keep a few at all then? b/c a few of them, like those last white ones make me smile to know where my dad is at... anyway, so Im at a loss of what to do with them... I definetly cant just throw them away, the thrift store is one thought - but I couldnt bear to go in there one day and seem them all just sitting up on a shelf - I want them to really bless someone else... but am not sure who to give them to - I dont know any family that would want them, and I dont think they would be apprpriate to give to a nursing home... and I dont want to sell them as I couldnt stand to make money off of them... so if anyone would like 1, 2 or 3 (or how many ever) for themselves, let me know, and I would be happy to give them away - I just really want them to bless someone else... (do you think any of the local funeral homes would like them?)

well, I didnt really expect to write all that, but I guess once you get going, you just get going... but the point of all of that, has been that Ive been thinking about death lately and pregnancy (thanks to all the morning sickness askers in the last post)...

so I started to think that if I was pregnant (Im not!), what would happen to the baby - it surely couldnt turn out healthy with all the pain meds and advil Ive been taking for my teeth lately... and I started to think about having a child with down syndrome or something along those lines (daniel and I have talked about it before too)... and I started to think, could I love that child less than a normal child (gabe, for instance) - and I thought that wasnt really possible, b/c once you become a mother, that nature has a force all its own.... so then I started thinking, well, could I love it more? and I have to admit, quite possibly.... how could you not? (love it more than if itself was normal, not love it more than your other children)... you would have to love that baby something fierce just to be able to deal with the idea of an unhealthy child, much less to actually go through life forever that way...

and I think about all the people who do go through this, and most of the parents ask "why us? we love our child, yes, but why did it have to turn out this way"... and I think to myself, "exactly! why you? wouldnt it rather be you, than alot of other people out there that neglect or abuse thier healthy children? arent you glad that God gave you that unhealthy child so that she didnt have to be raised in a terrible unloving home?" Im not really sure where im going with this, other than Ive seriously been thinking about it lately...

and along those lines, how often do we miss blessings b/c we dont think they are blessings? we only see them as problems... like having an unhealthy child, or things even smaller like getting a paper cut - what if b/c you got a paper cut, you got out of your seat to get a bandaid and you missed something worse happening b/c you were gone... how often do we take for granted the simple things we have? how cliche is that? so Ill say something different... how often do we ask for gifts to be taken away b/c we dont like the wrapping paper?

I have alot of things that need to get out, but they will have to wait, this post is long and thought-provoking enough for now... so I will end for now, but expect better and worse from me, thats all I can ask...

hmmm

2005-01-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

disclaimer: this will most likely be a fairly long post, so if you dont have time, take it paragraph by paragraph and come back often... he he, hopefully, I will get to write more often, and with that will come not tremendously long posts... and thanks for all the comments, they make me feel loved

ok... its friday - thank goodness... its been a rough week... so I had all 4 wisdom teeth extracted last friday - that would be the 10th... I was fine saturday and sunday, oddly enough... I didnt get sick and start hurting until monday... and that stayed with me all through the week - I went back yesterday to the dentist (or oral surgeon, if you will), and he said everything was healing nicely, so yay for that... he also took me off the pain meds (which is what was making me sick - ugh) and Im on advil now... so yeah, since I was home from work all week, and sick, everyone was asking my mom (we work together if you didnt know) if it was morning sickness.... no! thank goodness... I love my baby, but couldnt handle being pregnant right now...

speaking of which... from my last post, you may think Daniel is terrible, but he isnt... guess my hormones get the best of me sometimes... he he, but really he is the most perfect guy out there (for me, dont you ladies be getting any ideas....), he really has been wonderful, taking care of the baby and me, and being supersweet.... he he, he even straightened up the living room while I was taking a bath last night... Im so spoiled...

ah, and speaking of cleaning (I really like this segue)... Ive just joined flylady (www.flylady.net) so Im working on that, if you want to check that out and see whats been happening at my house... while I was spending my sick time at home, I did get out bedroom cleaned out and am getting rid of alot of clothes... this is unprecented! Im a packrat with OCD (literally)... so you can imagine how proud of myself I am...

and along that note... Im trying to convince daniel to let me throw a singles mixer at our house for valentines day... he is refusing adamently... but what is it that makes me so giddy about valentines day and setting people up... I just have ideas of red and white polka dot menus and invitations, a 4 or 5 course dinner, playing some jazz, maybe watching a cheesy movie and cupid decorations all over the place... what is this innate feeling of stupidity that comes over me?!!! I should almost hate v-day as most do, as I had no dates during jr high, and then I am a serial monogomast when it came to dating, so no real spontaneity there (except last year, hopefully will write more on that in another entry)... well, I cant figure it out... will probably contemplate more on this subject as time draws near... especially since daniel and I will have been married 3 years on feb 16th... where does the time go?

in other news.... gabe is doing wonderful... I blink and he grows, he is getting so big... I dont know what Im going to do if he keeps growing at this rate... my little boy will be 6 in 2 months if he keeps it up... well, not really, he just turned 5 months on jan 13th... but he is getting so big... :)

just a few more notes, and then maybe next week, I can start posting like a normal person - day to day stuff... since Ive been off this week, Ive seen more tv than normal, and Ive realized 2 things... I love the way "mascara" sounds with an english accent (it sounds like mask-scar-uh as opposed to mask-scare-uh) - they have been running this new Rimmel London mascara commercial on tv... and it has a comb instead of a brush, which Im thinking cannot work as good, but maybe thats just me... and plus its a brand they sell at walmart, so how great can it be... but then Kate Moss is the cover girl, Kate Moss!!! huge deal, so I think it has to be good... or maybe its just the money thats good... who knows (do I sound too much like summer from the OC?)... my other random though... that Colonial Penn commercial where the lady is putting quarters in the meter really creeps me out... she says something like "If only life worked like this meter, and I could keep putting quarters in and stay here with my loved ones forever..." ugh... putting quarters in a machine to live forever, that thought just creeps me out.... (oh, and I LOVE those Sonic guys, I think Im the only one though)

ok... this has got to be hugely long... so I will stop for now... if anyone wants to offer any tips, then Im open, and I will try not to delete any more of my old posts... no promises though... :)

My first post (or whatever you call it)

2005-01-13T11:51:00.000-08:00

today has been horrible... what a day and what a first post!

Daniel, my husband, is driving me crazy today... grrr... what to do, what to do... now dont get me wrong, I love him very much, but is just so (at a loss for what word to put here - he knows how to push my buttons without knowing hes doing it) sometimes...

so lets start at the beginning... its gloomy and wet outside which translate an icky day and an icky mood... this morning we are getting ready to go and its rainy and windy outside, well, Im dressed fairly nice for work, whereas daniel is dressed grungy as he is a screenprinter so he gets ink all over his clothes anyway... well, he does the nice thing and goes and opens the gate and moves the car out, but then "lets" me close it, well, at least I have an umbrella, right?... blah... I try to open the door so I can throw the umbrella in and get in the car, but no.... once I have the door open and the umbrella folded, he says to me (from inside the car)... dont put it in there, so I close the door, and open the back door, put it in there and walk around to the other side of the car and get in... Im drenched by this time = cold, wet and mad... and then he proceeds to ask why I didnt let him help me with the umbrella, and I was like - argh! thats what I was trying to do when I put it in the car the first time....

ok, so I get to work, looking like I got ran over by a mack truck... but I turn my little heater on and get to work, after a couple of hourse, Im finally dry and warm, and Im determined to forget about this morning and move on... no use harboring anger...

so then about 11:30, gabe's (my 5 month old son) daycare calls and says he's been spitting up again - its been all this week, so I call daniel and ask if we should give him some medicine and he says yes, and shouldnt we also go get him some peas (the vegetable of the week) for him so he can have something in his stomach - b/c he keeps that down (its the formula he has been spitting up)... he says no, b/c he spits that up too... this is news to me, as for the past 2 nights Ive been feeding him peas and he hasnt spit up... he says its after we give him the formula after the peas that he spits up.... and Im like, yeah, its the formula, not the peas, but he continues that its the peas also.... argh.... this man is going to drive me crazy today!!!!

on a lighter note, Im getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth cut out tomorrow morning... yay!

My first post (or whatever you call it)

2005-01-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

hmmm.... so I read my friend, Amanda's blog and decided that it looked fun and that I could do that - although not as flowery as hers b/c Im not the fancy English writer that she is... just old boring me...

so yeah, thats what this will be about - pure randomness, ranging from the philosophical to the absurd... you never know what the next day is going to bring... just have to tune in and see... :)

ok, enough boredom for now... will write more later