the weekend

so nothing big happened over the weekend... but a good time was had by all

the best part of the weekend - Daniel went with my mom to the ballgame, and Gabe and I spent the afternoon together - it was the first time in a long time that I just spent time with him without worrying about anything else... we played and napped together... and he just laughed and we both had the best time...

are you bored?

then do I have some time-wasters for you... just some fun things to do when you dont want to do anything else... :)

1. mr picassohead - lets you create your very own picasso picture
* thanks to amanda for this one

2. the fridge - try to take the letters and spell out something - only thing is... there are other people playing and they will steal your letters... sometimes they spell bad words, so be forewarned
*thanks to kevin for this one

3. which napoleon dynamite character are you?

4. BK chicken - this chicken will do whatever you want - but the fun is figuring out if its really live or not

5. www.i-am-bored.com - lots of fun stuff
*thanks to grant for this one


*if you have a site to add - leave a comment... but it must be quirky, totally time-wasting, and appeal to the masses

on a lighter note

watch this (make sure you have your headphones/volume on though) after you read the post below, not before... it will make you feel better after reading the below post...

*and a quick thanks to Amanda - I love my new bag!

Im sick

disclaimer: what you are about to read, if you choose to do so, is short but fairly graphic... be forewarned


I heard this on Paul Harvey today, and cannot imagine anything worse - especially since Gabe is 6 1/2 months... so I went to his site and copied down word for word as I didnt want to get it wrong... I had to not vomit or sit and cry when I heard it... I think there must be a special part of Hell reserved for people like this













(safety space for people who decide they dont want to read it)





















Human depravity hit a new low in Houston, Texas where an infant baby girl, an infant - age 7 months, was brutally sexually assaulted – every vital internal organ was brutalized – her parents are in custody


*edit - added later- the baby will recover, and her and her sister taken away...
a little bit more to the story here - also makes me wonder what kind of people are the lawyers who can defend people like this?


another terrible story involving children here


maybe Im wrong in thinking this, b/c Im sure not all are like this... but did you notice that the parents of the first child were 19 and 22, and the father from the other story was 24... now Im only 26, so I dont think its the age necessarily, but im wondering if either set of parents were married or did they have kids before marriage?


on a somewhat related crazy-people note:what is the matter with these people?!! - can sperm really survive in your mouth, and how would he not realize she was "saving" it

2 Weeks & Counting

yay for me - Ive gone 2 weeks without any sugar or sweets... very proud of myself... only 4 more weeks to go!

so thanks to lent, Ive had my first revelation this morning... if you cant give something up to God, then it is your god...

(give you a minute to absorb)

now obviously there are certain things you cant and werent meant to give up... like water, air, love, prayer, etc... and there are certain reasons you shouldnt give up foods - say if you were pregnant for instance (hey mags!)... but a fast doesnt just have to be food...

I find that alot of people dont participate in lent b/c they think it would be too hard to give up something, they couldnt make it without "that one thing" - everyone has theirs... but Im coming to realize that if you cant give it up to God, then it is your god...

it controls you, it gives you comfort and strength, you have faith in it, and you put it above everything else - what else would you call it?

when people hear the word "fast" they too often think of food... this is one choice of a fast, there is also tv, music - even praise music if you are doing it more for what you get out of it than what you can give, movies, books, saying negative things, video games.... anything you find to be a weakness for you - thats whats so great - a fast is something totally personal, and very intimate - an intimate start (of giving up something personal) will usually have a very intimate end (a closer relationship with God)...

Im not pointing fingers at anyone besides myself... I have A LOT that I need to give up, things I often have doubts about if I could actually give up...

you know, I thought I started this whole lent thing to grow closer to God - I thought if I imitated Christ then I would get to know Him better that way - so empathy would make me closer - yes, I know that sounds dumb... to even compare giving up sweets for 40 days would help me to know Gods suffering better... I feel silly even typing that... but Im gaining insight that I never realized would come... things like "if you cant give something up to God, then it is your god" - I keep repeating this b/c it turns my stomach every time I type/read it - makes me want to change things in my life

seriously though, could you give up tv for 40 days? could you give up email for 40 days? could you go 40 days without your make-up? is there anything holding you back from putting Christ first? or could you spend 15 minutes in prayer a day? could you memorize 2 verses of Scripture a day? could you do it if Christ asked you - would you?

anyone who talks to me, and says they "cant" do something, even if it doesnt have to do with lent... something I know they need to do... I make them say they "wont" do it, not "cant" - its not impossible, you just choose to not do it...

its so easy to justify not giving up things, isnt it?

it only takes 21 days to make or break a habit...


on another related note: I find it a little disturbing that most "Christians" jump from Christmas straight to Palm Sunday and then to Easter... they miss Ash Wednesday, Maunday Thursday and Good Friday (unless they get off from work, but thats all the thought they put into it)... how is it that Christianity is just supposed to be a feel-good religion as opposed to a relationship of suffering... dont get me wrong, I think being a Christian should be a wonderful time, but I find it upsetting that that is all that most Christians want out of it... have you ever really meditated on the last week of Christ? really dug and studied what He went through... and Im not talking about rewatching "The Passion"... really reading the Bible and treating those days as holy too - had you even heard of Maundy Thursday before this post? Seriously though, how many holy days do we treat as unholy just b/c we are off work - we go spend money we dont need to be spending - on material things, no less... we overeat and are gluttonous, we act obnoxiously and talk like we shouldnt... you get the idea, our holy days are no longer holy - not b/c theyve changed since theyve happened, but b/c we make them that way - funny how we are so proud of that "Christian" title and then treat it so badly, isnt it? but then again, its so easy to justify, isnt it?


ok... if you got to the end, Im surprised... I think most people would have quit after the first little paragraph... congratulations, you have just endured a total rant of Addie... hopefully you came out no worse for the wear... maybe a little better? either way, Im thankful that you made the journey with me, it was nice to have a little company... if you have anything you would like to add, then I would be more than happy to talk or just listen... :)

Whiskers on kittens

so a fun thing I thought I would do is list a few things that I like and dislike right now... leaving off the things that I will love forever as they are unchanging (God, family, friends, Gwen, etc)...

disclaimer: none of these are pointed at anyone, so dont take offense... please dont comment on how im wrong, b/c thats your opinion and these are mine... neither are right or wrong to everyone - you make your own choices, I dont think you are a bad person for liking/being something on my "dont like" list, so dont take anything personally, this was just something fun I thought to do

Things I like
1. nice underwear
2. Email
3. Comments on my blog
4. flylady
5. Pineapple on my pizza
6. milkshakes from Sonic
7. Chicken Parmesan Lean Pockets
8. polka dots
9. camelia bushes
10. Burts Bees Garden Tomato Toner

Things I dont like
1. Harry Potter
2. People who choose a certain lifestyle and then dont want to accept the consequences
3. Lord of the Rings
4. People who bring me a bunch of work 15 minutes before Im getting off
5. Avril Lavigne
6. "Christians" who dont know the difference between "being in the world" and "being of the world" (me included - doesnt mean I like it though)
7. Politics
8. Ads with scantily clad women in women's/girl's magazines
9. This whole Kabbalah fad
10. Baby food bananas - doesnt taste at all like real bananas - ugh

playing ketchup (or is it catsup?)

well... like I said, Gabe had a 102 fever and was very fussy on friday so daniel and I left work early and went and got him and took him home... when we got home, he was happy, we gave him tylenol and then motrin (not at the same time), and the fever came down quickly after that, and he was happy and smiley as soon as we got home... so we tell him that he tricked us, he wasnt really sick, he just wanted to come home early... and daniel and I didnt mind too much either... so the rest of the night, we either spent reading (daniel read 'The Notebook' and I am reading "The 5 Love Languages) or watching tv and having a good time... :)

saturday, we went on an outing to tuscaloosa and a good time was had by all - gabe got to either be carried in the snugli or sit up in the stroller - he likes those much better than the carseat... I got a new outfit at the thrift store, and a kitchen stand that weve been desperately needing (no matter what daniel says), and few other things here and there - nothing major... we had dinner at The Diner in Northport - so good! you should go

Sunday, my mom called and wanted gabe for the day, so he went to church with her, and daniel and I went to ours and got to go to Sunday School which we only get to go to sporadically, so then we went home, daniel put the kitchen stand together and I organized it the way I saw fit, and then mom brought gabe back, so we spent the rest of the night playing on the floor and watching a movie

good weekend... thanks for all the prayers for gabe... do not know what was going on friday... maybe he is teething? he has 2 bumps on the bottom (although one he has had for 3 months now!), so not sure if thats it or not... but as long as he isnt ill and is happy, I dont care

---------------------------------------------

on to Daniel, the White Knight

so Friday, we are driving back to my work from lunch and the truck in front of us just breaks (not breaks down, just breaks, mind you)... something dropped from underneath and was dragging down the road, you could hear it, and then the truck broke down, luckily, for the girl in the truck, we were behind her... so daniel stopped our car behind hers, put on the flashers (in lunch hour traffic on hwy 45, no less)... and he got out and talked to her and helped her - she was new to columbus... the guys from auto spa came over and also helped push the truch backwards out of traffic and into a used car lot that luckily happened to be there... so instead of driving around her, daniel got out and helped her out - and all he says about it is "it was nothing" like everyone does this sort of thing... am I lucky or what?

------------------------------------------

I have a few other things I want to put down, but they can wait as I dont want this post to be 200 pages long...

*quick note: could you please stop after you read this and say a quick prayer where you are at... please pray that God would provide a "Joseph" for us - I will have to explain this later, but this is really important and could really show God to some kids in our youth group... and please have faith when you ask... thanks

prayers please

not a long post today - got to leave early - gabe has a 102 fever... hopefully he will feel better...

remind me to post about Daniel -the white knight on monday

have a good weekend

so... how did it go?

yesterday, started out pretty good as I got to sleep until 9:30 - daniels gift to me, he took the baby into school so I could get a few extra hours... then I cleaned up the living room and bedroom, set out some candles and put some nice cd's in the stereo (dave matthews, beck, and ella fitzgerald, in case you were wondering), and got everything ready for a nice night in...

daniel called he said that after the babys dr's appt (for 6 month shots) at 1:30, we would just drop the baby back off at daycare and go home early - so didnt get everything done that I wanted to, but he was still impressed when he got home and found everything nicely arranged... so we spent some *quality time* (wink, wink) together, and then he took me out to eat at Abners (no he isnt cheap - I love abners, and he is going to take me somewhere nicer on saturday when we go to tuscaloosa), and then we came back home (my mom had the baby), and we watched The Notebook - perfect movie for an anniversary... its so formulaic the way things are layed out for you, and you think its going to end all cheesy, but it has a really sweet ending, so if you havent seen it and need a good date movie, I would recommend it...

then we went and got the baby, he was tired but in a good mood, so we took him home, gave him a bath and a bottle and I went to bed... daniel and gabe followed soon after

so didnt get everything done yesterday that I wanted, but it still turned out to be a really good day and anniversary

----------------------------------------------------
mushy story ahead - quit reading now if you dont like this kind of stuff
----------------------------------------------------

so, daniel and I were talking last night about being married 3 years and how it felt longer and it was wonderful... blah, blah, blah (Ill spare you all the mushy details)... and he started talking about how things were for him 7 years ago (we started dating 6 years ago in may) - he was a loser (his words, not mine), and depressed... the girl he had been dating had just gone off to college and dumped him... so his main objective in life was to just find a girl to get laid - he thought if he ended his virginity then that would be the pick-me-up he needed to not be so depressed anymore...

at the time, he used to go sit out on the carport and just look up at the stars, do some thinking and occasionally talk to God (he had pretty much given up on church and all religion at the time)... he looked up one night, and asked God, "where is she?", and God answered back, "just hold on, she's out there, Im getting her ready"... from then on, Daniel dropped his whole idea of "just getting laid" and stopped worrying about it

we started dating a couple of months later

Happy Anniversary to Me

our "engagement picture"


Today is my 3rd anniversary, so Im gone for the day - talk to you guys on Thursday... :)

A whole week of love

So yesterday, as it seems like it was for everyone else also, was pretty great - chalk up another good v-day for me... although the morning started off very typical - rushed and hurried - so no gifts in the morning

at lunch, went with daniel to give gabe his medicine and he gave me such a sweet card, so then we went to see our happy little bug - he must have been hit by cupid, b/c he was happy all day - so that was such a heart-lifter... and then we dropped some flowers off for anna, my sister, at her work...

back at work, I had a good day, as work was steady but not too busy... then daniel came and got me at 5, and gave me a rose from my son (how sweet)... then we went and got gabe (the bug), and drove out to see his grandmom (Daniel's mom) and he gave her a rose and spent a little time with her, and then we went to see Gabe's mammy (my mom), and he gave her a rose and spent a little time with her and anna...

then we went home, we exchanged all of our gifts... I gave daniel some scratch off romance lottery tickets for fun, he gave me some chocolate shaped/scented soaps (the next best thing since I cant eat them), and we gave Gabe a rattle with a heart on it - which he preceded to fall in love with and kiss all over (well, at least put it in his mouth - ha ha)...

then I had to go to bed, daniel put gabe to bed and came to bed soon after and we lay for a few minutes and talked about our day and what was going on 3 years ago... very good sleep... ZZZZZZ

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dont forget to look at my crushes - they will be taken down after this week... click here to check them out

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ok, so you ask, whats this whole 'week of love' that you are talking about - v-day was one day and now its over... well, maybe for you it is, but we had our first date 69 months ago today (it will be 6 years on may 15th), and tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary... thursday isnt really anything special, but friday is our weekly date night, and the weekend is family time, so should be a really good week - :)

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on to other things... daniel and I have planned not to do anything for our anniversary but go out to dinner... but I would really like to surprise him and give him a little extra...

any ideas would be appreciated, here are the facts...

-Im off work the whole day, so I can do alot of planning and preparing if thats necessary

-mom is picking gabe up after school, so wont have to do that and have some time afterwards to ourselves

-he knows we are going to dinner - I told him he could pick anywhere he wants, even if its not somewhere I like

-I got paid today


so the only thing I could think of would be to go to dinner and then go home and spend some *quality time* with each other, and maybe rent a movie like the Notebook

or

get our food to go, have the house set up with candles and rose petals like a picnic... spend some time, eat, and watch a movie

are these even remotely creative? they seem kind of boring and not something a guy would really like (although daniel does like chick-flicks)... I would love to just blow him away with something he totally isnt expecting... so Im up for anything - any suggestions?

Valentines Day

well, another v-day is here upon us, and I couldnt be more excited... Im wearing my Betsey Johnson pink sweater with rhinestone hearts in the top right hand corner that ties with a sweet pink ribbon... and yes, I did get it for $10, so eat your heart out... he he

is it possible to overdose on love? I think thats my problem with v-day - I am too in love with love. Ive been this way for as long as I can remember... V-day is one of my favorite holidays, and, honestly, I cannot tell you why. Most of my memories of this oh-so-sacred day are horrible - I can remember being so excited about v-day and then getting nothing and being utterly crushed. Especially in jr high... you know all the "queen bees" in your class are getting something from their cute boyfriends, and you have to sit and watch - how much torture must an adolescent girl endure to become the woman she is today? I would always get something from parents though, which was nice, but hardly what you dream of when you're 12 and 13... (although I would give anything to have my dad give me something for v-day now - dont miss out on your blessings b/c you dont think they are good enough)...

how many tears did this holiday bring to this girl's cheeks for so many years (along with a million other girls going through the same thing - even today)... and yet, every year - the same thing, woke up, giddy and in love with love...

must be ingrained into a girls dna - comes with that extra X chromosome - it is the sign for a kiss after all... even today with grown women - I look around and almost every woman at work today is wearing pink, red, or white, and almost none of the men are(unless maybe by luck they wore that red shirt they have)... is this why we have so many girls getting into trouble - they are seriously looking for love and acceptance and turning to any source that will give them something - anything...

although now, I have a valentine and a half, that I love more than myself (now thats saying something!), so I guess it eventually all works out, and I guess it was worth it to go through all those terrible days to get to these good ones - I guess I wouldnt know what I had now if I didnt "not have" back then

cupid must really be a girl b/c no male would ever go to that much trouble... :)

Valentine Crushes

so I was inspired by amanda for this one... check out my v-day crushes here (scroll down to get some random facts about me too)

you thought you knew...

but you had no idea... he he... here are some random things that maybe you did and maybe you didnt know about me... will add more later, so keep checking in on it... :)

random things about yours truly (its the second post on there)

*yes, I semi-stole the idea from emily - but not really as I had planned on doing this for awhile... so I guess I was more inspired by it more than I stole it... thanks, em

cd recommendation for the week

so we finally put up our stereo in the living room (it was originally in the guest bedroom which is now a nursery)... and I have been playing different cd's for gabe in the morning while we get ready... so here is my cd recommendation for this week...


Pure Ella - Ella Fitzgerald

Can this lady sing or what? This is a compilation cd, and there are alot out there for Mrs. Fitzgerald, but this one is the best. I have gone through so many of her cd's to find one that had all the songs that I really like (although all of her songs are good - I wanted one that I could put on and not have to skip around to my favorites). Just take a look at the track listing and see how many you recognize.

1. Mack the Knife
2. Blue Skies
3. A-Tisket, A-Tasket
4. They Can't Take That Away from Me (with Louis Armstrong)
5. Misty
6. You'll Have to Swing It (Mr. Paganini)
7. Tea for Two
8. Love Is Here to Stay
9. Night and Day Listen
10. My Funny Valentine
11. Boy from Ipanema
12. Too Marvelous for Words
13. Take the "A" Train
14. Summertime
15. How High the Moon
16. All the Things You Are lyrics
17. Over the Rainbow
18. Oh, Lady Be Good

you can hear a few samples of each song here (scroll down to middle of page)

Although youve probably never heard it - #16 is my favorite, and Ive never seen it on another cd... This lady was way ahead of her time...

I know most of you would never guess I was a jazz fan, since my last recommendation was Johnny Cash - but I dont have a particular genre that I listen to... although when it comes to jazz, I love the older stuff - and not a big fan of the instrumental stuff (too artsy smartsy for me) - I want something I can sing to... and I typically only like the female singers - Ella, Etta James, Sara Vaughn, Julie London - and no, I didnt have to look those up, I know who they are... not as big a fan of the newer stuff - except for Diana Krall (who is married to Elvis Costello - what a couple) - love her....

anyway, if you need a cd to just relax to or something for a romantic night in, this is the one you want (although might want to skip the first track if its the romantic date thing as Mack the Knife isnt that romantic, although its great to dance to, if you want to start the date off that way)... enjoy

*amanda, this is for you... :)

yay for the day

today is still gloomy and wet, but, I, surprisingly, am not - I am in quite a good mood today - I am wearing my pink jacket again today, so maybe that has something to do with it (I also have on a pink shirt and pink socks - just call me barbie)... and today is even the first day of lent and Ive had no sugar so far today - had cornflakes with bananas for breakfast - mmmmmm

so yesterday, after I posted, God just continually opened my eyes to the blessings that I have in my life right now, so the day ended rather positively...

cutest thing... gabe has girl that he loves at daycare (not the hair pulling/kissing kate - although he likes her too)... but I was holding gabe at lunch and one of the teachers brought his girl, Reid, over in front of him and he immediately reached out and held her hand - and she held his back... my heart melted... he will be 6 months this sunday... :)

please pray a small prayer for daniel when you read this... gabe has decided to stay up til 12 at night - and daniel is the one that puts him to bed (I get up with him in the morning), so he isnt getting as much sleep as he would like, and also he gave up caffeine for lent, so he is missing his coffee, and he is taking 4 teenage boys to a conference this weekend, so his nerves could be shot when he gets back (not to mention hes never been away from the baby overnight, much less a weekend)

oh, and my granddad is having surgery today for his carpal tunnel - hope everything goes alright with that... its probably good that gabe and I are spending the weekend up there, so we help out

and for anyone interested - my sister, Anna, has decided to go back to school - to go to the culinary school at the MUW, so we are very proud of her... if you would like to drop her a note, her email is topgun39743@yahoo.com - but please dont tell her about my blog, there are certain things on here that I would rather her and my mom not know (b/c anna has a bad habit of telling my mom everything) - I love her, but you know how it is...

*edit (just added)...
ok, so remember that couple that I told you about yesterday that pretty much cut us off when we got pregnant? well, oddly enough, "he" called last night - which I thought was maybe a sign from God that I shouldnt have written what I did... he even asked about the baby... but... so I thought about all that he had talked about, and it turns out "she" just got a new job, and with this new one, her insurance will now cover her fertility treatments... so now that it looks like it might be a possibility, they are finally happy for us - gabe turns 6 months on sunday... now, on one hand, Im happy for them, but on the other hand, it makes my blood boil that they couldnt be happy for us until they got what they wanted... so I guess I need some advice as to what I should do... any takers?

Fat Tuesday/Whiny Addie

As promised, Im finally doing my post on lent as today is Fat Tuesday/ Mardi Gras and the last day before lent...

since almost anyone who reads this is probably Baptist and doesnt know about or participate in lent (not sure about amanda), so I thought I would explain a little about it and what Im about to put myself through... :)

ok, so tomorrow is Ash Wednesday - the beginning of lent... so what exactly is lent? its the 40 days before Easter (not including Sundays)... this is a period of fasting - many people hear 'fasting' and automatically think 'no food', but thats not the type of fast we are talking about - usually its just cutting one thing from your diet (a weakness) or cutting something else out of your life - like television or such... it can also be accompanied by adding a good thing (like 15 minutes of exercise a day)... but usually you give up a weakness for lent - the whole point is too imitate Christ's 40 day fast to become more like Him - to make a sacrifice (giving up something you love)... and anytime you are tempted to give in and cheat, then you pray until the urge passes... this should be a real prayer building exercise...

Im giving up all sweets (except for natural sweets like fruit), and Daniel is giving up all caffienated drinks - these are serious weaknesses of both of ours... they say it takes 21 days to break a habit... we will see, thats what I would love to happen - I detach that sweet tooth from my body... more than that, Im hoping to strengthen my prayer life and in turn, strengthen my walk... Im pretty stagnant right now, so Im hardly proud of where I am... so Im looking forward to tomorrow...

so since you didnt know about lent, then you probably didnt know about the past of mardi gras - any guesses? well, mardi gras is the last day before lent... its the last big hurrah before you have to give up whatever it is that youre giving up... although it has become something much more, something filled with debauchery and excess... I hardly believe anyone down there is celebrating mardi gras with the intent of giving up everything tomorrow... but you lead the life you choose - no judgment from me... see, you learn something new every day... :)

here are some sites to check out for more info on lent (these are all pretty short, so dont be afraid to check them out)
lent
why doesnt my church celebrate lent?
fasting
an essay on lent I really like


--------------ok, this next part is just me whining and having a pity party, so if you are tired of reading this kind of stuff from me, then dont read below here------------------------------------------

the weather is still wet and gloomy and its seriously affecting my mood, I feel like Im sinking further and further down (and I even have my pink jacket on today)... it also could have to do with gabe deciding he only needs to sleep from 12-5 or that Im dreading this weekend since daniel wont be with me... things just keep going through my mind that normally would never cross it...

the biggest being is that Daniel and I really dont have any friends our own age anymore.... dont get offended if youre reading this, let me finish my thought... its just that for as long as I can remember, Ive attached myself to one person - usually a guy... if you know me from high school, then you probably remember tony, jamie, or todd... if you know me from NE, then, that would be Cliff (big surprise there), Im a serial monogomist, I guess... but back to my point... since Ive always been attached to one person, I never really make any serious friends b/c I never let them in completely or give them a serious amount of my time - Im pretty selfish, it seems... so no, its not their fault... so most of the people that I know are more associated with memories and a certain point in my life (maybe 2) rather than actual friends - meaning that we are friends b/c we were once friends not b/c we really hang out now - does that make sense? I think most people can agree... Im not saying I dont love you b/c I seriously do, but there are just extenuating circumstances that keep us apart and keep us from becoming the kind of people who hang out all the time at each others houses playing cards and such... if its not distance, then its time or just other stuff... we all have it...

but I get so jealous reading other people's blogs and about how much fun they had with their friends over the weekends, they got together and just went out to eat or something (hmmm... this sounds like an entry of my own, oddly enough) or they got together with their families and had such a great time... I dont want to be jealous but cant help it...

we are such a self-deprecating society - meaning we teach each other that we arent worth anything and we run ourselves down constantly... tell any woman that you like her dress and she will say how it really isnt that great, and how its old or it makes her look fat, etc... I tend to do the same thing - am I so unlovable? am I so dispensable? Im tired of being the novelty - do you know how many people know me, but dont really know me - do you know how many people I see in walmart who are like 'hey, I know you' or something along those lines, when really they dont know who I am or what I like or dislike... Im just the short girl who doesnt look her age...

and what gives anyone the right to tell me "you are so short" as if I dont know, or "how old are you?" and then respond with "no you are not" when I tell them, as if Im an idiot, and why should anyone look down their noses at me when I walk around a store with my baby?

its not fair, but life isnt fair... suck it up and deal with it...

*random moment
and since they dont read this, and havent written or spoken to us since december (even though Ive written them), I will complain about some people who I thought were my friends... daniel and I hung out with them at least once a week if not more, even if we just got together for Bible studies... a couple our own age - we were excited - in fact, they were married on the date of our first date, that was so cool... although they didnt have the perfect marriage, it seemed like they hardly loved each other at times, but they got along (they only dated a few months before they got married)... it wasnt long after they got married that they started trying to have a baby - mostly b/c she was looking for love b/c she always needed approval (she never did learn to love herself), even though their lives were always out of order... but it never worked for them - it just didnt seem like a possibility... but of course, I believe that God gives you what you can handle whether its what you think you need or not... I can understand why they dont have a baby, they dont even have themselves together... I didnt tell them that as I didnt want any hurt feelings... then they moved, but we still stayed close through email and calls, until the pregnancy... since weve had gabe, never do they call us or write or even email, when they do email, there is never any mention of the baby... when I send them links to pics, they never reply... it really hurts that they could turn so easily... I know its hard when you cant have your own when you want it, but is it right to deny your friends b/c of it... the kicker is, this guy is a preacher... dont know the point of that story, guess I just needed to tell someone, and get it out of my system...
*end of random moment

you know, Im not really blaming anyone besides myself... I know that I live a very very charmed life and people would kill for my life and yet, here I sit, and complain... I think its just human nature - although that doesnt mean its right, as Im not suppose to be of this world....

I think the second part of this post was more for me than anything else.... just to get it out there and stop holding it in...

I think I will now list all the things I am really thankful for
1. God
2. my husband who spoils me daily
3. my beautiful baby - his smile can completely change me
4. the friends I do have - I know you are there and probably reading this
5. my family who still loves me even when I go crazy
6. a good house, that Im finally starting to love and not wish for anything bigger or better
7. a good job that allows me to have this blog
8. lent - hopefully I will learn something
9. my church - weve only been there a year and a half and already its become home
10.Im beautiful - b/c daniel thinks so, no matter what anyone else in walmart thinks...


so thats it for today, although I have some other things on my mind that I will probably post about... and you know actually Im feeling a little better... guess I just needed to not hold things in - just get it out there, know what I mean... anyway... hope the rest of you are good... could you please pray for a little sunshine for me, I could use it... :)

blah blah blah

bear with me, Im learning to link (most of these are from google images and not mine, if you were wondering), so will be an entertaining post, if not for anything than all the links

so its monday and once again, its cloudy and Im affected - Im in a gloomy mood and my office(which looks a bit different now, as does my hair) isnt even near a window, so thats kind of funny... guess I need to get me one of those "jars of sunshine thatisland girlis talking about... well, lets go over the highlights of the weekend...

friday, we went home and spent time with the baby, nothing majorbut a good time was had by all...

saturday, my inlaws (including my brother in law) came over - the men were helping daniel put together our new storage shed while my MIL was helping me inside... she watched gabe so I could actually get some cleaning done... I was really dreading and looking forward to this day, both for the same reason - my MIL was coming over - we do not get along as she is always right and I am always wrong, but at least I could get something done while she watched gabe but it turned out really well, I got alot done - and when gabe took a nap, she helped me in the kitchen - nothing major, but much better than I anticipated... ok, when I say "clean the kitchen" I dont mean just surface mopping and washing dishes I mean, I took everything out of each cabinet, cleaned the cabinet decided if what I took out was worth keeping or getting rid of and then put the "keep" stuff back up all nice and neat ... this also included the fridge - which had never been cleaned out I threw away a large black garbage bag of "stuff" just from the fridge! a few of those included my wedding bouquet and daniel's boutonniere (and we will have been married for three years on february 16, later we went and ate at peppers, which was good, then went home, and started to watch bourne supremacy, me and gabe fell asleep so we went to bed... daniel finished the movie and came to bed (it was 10 when we fell asleep - just to let you know how old Im getting

sunday - got up and went to church (this is actually a pic of my church) came home, I watched gabe, so daniel could work some more on the storage shed, then gabe got suited up for the game (he had his own jersey - pics to come), and we all watched the super bowl together... loved gwens commercial of course, and the butt kissing monkey was priceless

this week is going to be very busy and I cant say that Im honestly looking forward to it... (have to quit linking now, or this post will never get done)
monday - nothing really today - mom is coming over after work, but thats pretty standard - I have no idea what to make for dinner, and there is literally nothing in our fridge... I need to get better at this whole "mom" thing

tuesday - we have a meeting at church to talk about the kids, and I have to talk to the leader about something Im really upset about (more to come on that, probably later) - nothing she did, but still something I need to address

wednesday - ash wednesday & the service that accompanies this that night - I am looking forward to this, since most everyone reading this is baptist and you dont celebrate lent, then you probably have no idea what Im talking about... as promised, that lent post will be up soon

thursday - nothing too special that I know of...

friday - daniel is leaving me and gabe for the weekend... he is the youth director at our church, so he is taking a few of the boys to a conference over the weekend, none of our girls are going, so I dont get to go either... Im seriously dreading this day - he is leaving at 3, which is before I get off work at 5 (Im thinking of taking the afternoon off so I can soak up as much daniel as possible)... it will be longest weve been apart since weve been married (only spent one night apart before), and monday is v-day and our anniversary is wednesday... I dont know, just makes me sad - but I guess everything will be ok sunday night... gabe and I will be staying with my grandparents, which should be fun, but I will still miss my husband...

so not too good of an outlook on this week for me... but things never really do turn out as you plan them, so things could always look up... amanda, can I borrow your jar?

*note to self and anyone else reading - linking takes forever...

not an angel, but a player

if you havent already, scroll down and read the "he looks like an angel" post or this one wont make alot of sense...

so remember gabe pulling that poor girls hair - turns out he wasnt being mean at all - he was flirting... yesterday, we went to pick him up and we were informed that the same girl that had her hair pulled before had been kissing on him, and not only that, but when they pulled her away, he threw a fit over it.... I repeat, he is only 5 1/2 months old...

guess I have alot to look forward to with this one... guess its no denying its mine and Daniel's baby after that... :)

Happy Birthday Mags

even Gabe and my dog, Peaches, are celebrating... hope its good... :)

a total disappearing act

maggie- this is what you have to look forward to (dont let it scare you)
amanda - this is in hopes that this will offer a little comfort
emily - can you back back me up on this stuff
whoever else is reading this - leave a comment once in awhile so I know you are reading... :)

today is all about the top 11 things you lose when you have a baby (originally it was 10, but I thought of something else I added in)

1. sleep - this is an obvious one that everyone tells you about, and alot of soon to be dads say 'its ok, Im used to staying up' let me tell you there is a big difference in staying up b/c you want to and someone keeping you up... you know those younger days when you were at a sleepover or at camp and you were trying to sleep, but there were one or two people who kept talking and you were always yelling "shut up!" and they never would - its kind of like that, except now you cant yell or get mad, just get up with a smile on your face and be happy

2. your husband - yep, you lose your husband, and gain a dad... which is good in ways if that happens (if he doesnt turn into a dad, he will revert to a guy altogether, so still no husband), but on your date nights, he will worry about the baby or whatever - no more interest in you - you are now second (which is ok, but sometimes you also need a little attention)

3. romance - once you lose your husband, you will lose any sort of romantic/sweetness he had ever remotely thought about doing - lets be honest, it takes effort for guys to think of something romantic or sweet to do, its just not their natural nature... this kills it altogether... although he will still want sex (never pushy about it though)

4. your organization and space - thats right - you will have to lug 20 pounds of a diaper bag around and you will lose anything else that matters (especially if its a paper(s) that you need to keep up with)... and for no apparent reason, your purse will now contain everything under the sun - the last time I cleaned out my purse I found a comb, toothbrush and paste, socks for me and the baby, an extra pacifier, and lots of other odds and ends that you do not normally carry or necessarily know how they got there, same thing happens with your car and house - your house will never be clean again - its a vicious cycle that once you get one room clean and you start on another, the first room will be messy again before you get the other one finished

5. time - mark my words, no matter how hard you try, you will never have enough time for anything ever again

6. money - this one isnt that hard to get - just be prepared, no more eating out, going to movies or power shopping...

7. arguments with your in laws and/or parents - especially if you dont already get along (like me and my mother in law) b/c everything you do or say with this child will not be right - you will only hear about how they did things and blah blah blah

8. almost all adult conversation - b/c all single or couple (w/out kids) in your life will assume since you had a baby, you like kids and want to be around them all the time, so you will be grouped with the kids, or in the other room with the baby all by yourself... or if they dont do this and do talk to you, they will ask you the same questions about the baby over and over again, so still no adult conversation... treasure any friends who still treat you like an adult...

9. any type of peace at all - whether its them crying or getting into something or you wondering why they are being so quiet

10. your fear of anything remotely gross - yep, spit up, poop and boogers will no longer be looked upon with disdain and you will just learn to laugh when you get peed on (if you have a boy)...

11. your heart - yep, its true, from now on they will have your heartstrings wrapped around their little finger...

its all worth it, but I still wish someone would have told me beforehand so I could be a little bit more prepared - but then again, is that even remotely possible...

so yeah, no regrets, but it is hard, I dont see how single parents do it - my hats off to them...

*on a non-related note: I hate when people use the word "anxious" incorrectly... anxious means that you are excited about something in a bad way (I was anxious about going to the dentist), eager means you are excited about something in a good way (I am eager to go to the dance with billy).... argh - get it right, people!
note: this is not directly pointed at someone, it just gets on my nerves

its the little things

dont you love those little things that let you know someone is thinking about you or loves you... you know, the things that if someone else had it done for them, they wouldnt get it...

prime example - daniel ate all the pretzels out of my cheese flavored chex mix (which is so good) at lunch today... now most people would probably get mad and say - hey thats not fair, I wanted some of those.... but he knows I dont like them and wont eat them, so he went ahead and picked them out for me... talk about love!


*in a non-related note - my revelation for today is(drumroll please).... you have got to be one cold-hearted person to not love Johnny Cash (even before he died)... the man is a genius... Ive been listening to his last album "The Man Comes Around" and it works you up (the man comes around), rips your heart out (hurt), renews your faith in love (first time ever I saw your face), makes your laugh (sam hall), brings back old times (in my life), and he can do a cover like no ones business (hurt, Im so lonesome I could cry) - and this is all on one album... Im amazed - too many people are missing out on this... if you dont have this cd, then go get it, it will be money well spent



"First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

The first time ever I saw your face,
I thought the sun rose in your eyes.
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave,
To the dark and the endless sky, my love.
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth,
I felt the earth move through my hands.
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you,
I felt your heart so close to mine.
And I know our joy would fill the earth,
And last till the end of time, my love.

The first time ever I saw your face.

he looks like an angel

ok, so feeling slightly better (thanks mags), but still could break down in tears for no reason - you would think I was pregnant again or something (Im not!)... anyway, wanted to share this...

so gabe has been so irritable since sunday - I think he is cutting teeth or something and also very spoiled - I think that has more to do with his mammy... anyway, yesterday, he was at daycare and one of the girls had been messing with his pacifier, so he just grabbed a fistful of her hair and refused to let go, and when they finally got the hair away, he threw a tantrum about it - hes only 5 1/2 months old...

where did my sweet baby go - the one that everyone just fell in love with at first sight, the one that evoked such comments as "he's too pretty to be a boy" or "you dont know how lucky you are to have such a good baby"... ah well, he was smiling this morning and laughing - a first in 2 days, so maybe he has reverted to my sweet darling... not that I love him any less either way... :)

look at that angel face

boo

Im not even interesting enough to make my husband want to read my journal... and its wet and cold outside... I feel like a failure... boo, where is my pink jacket now that I need it?